Preventing Haunting of Halloween Candy

Halloween candy tends to haunt adult and children alike because of its decadent presence in homes. It is a wicked reminder of the days when partaking in these delicious treats resulted only in your parents cautioning that overindulgence results in a mouth riddled with cavities before the sun sets. The accumulation of candy may be due to purchasing too much - admit it - you did this on purpose, or the fact that your children acted like greedy little goblins by trick or treating at every house within a 10 mile radius of your home. Getting rid of the candy so it no longer haunts you is relatively painless. Disclaimer: you must jump in wholeheartedly without giving it much thought to be truly successful in this exorcism.

• Fill plastic sandwich bags with the tasty treats. Get to work a few minutes early and place a treat bag on each person's desk that you want to fatten up due to jealousy of his or her shapely physique. Of course, you may choose to do this with people you actually like as well.
• Make the mail carrier's day by leaving the candy in a tied plastic bag in your mailbox with an honest plea begging him to remove it from your premises due to a sugar addiction, jiggly thighs or a gut that is too large. An even better idea is to write him a note complimenting his work ethics and tell him he "deserves" the candy for performing such a great job. I know this is just transference of the haunting, but it is effective. This is more likely to result in the eviction of the menacing candy.
• Lock the candy into a box or cabinet that requires a key. Give the key to a trusted spouse, friend or child who is welcome to partake of the treats as long as he or she hides the key - successfully - from you. Caution the key holder of the importance of this endeavor.
• Resolve that next Halloween you will not buy yucky, cheap candy to give out to the trick or treaters and save the yummy, more expensive and enticing treats as a backup plan. I know you want spare candy if you have an unexpected influx of children knocking at your door. If this is truly your reasoning, give out the tasty treats first. This results in not being as powerless to resist the distasteful candy if the holiday leaves you with an abundance of the sugary demons. Realize that - if the truth is revealed - that you always start out giving handfuls of the less tasty treats to the children and then when you get to the tasty treats, your generosity dwindles to only giving out one piece per child. Secretly, you are harboring the candy for yourself -- thus the haunting effect.