Preventing Hypoglycemia in Children

Children are often hypoglycemic. We've all seen it: parents cave in to the youngsters' pleading for ice cream-everybody wants one! In fact, make that a sundae! And within the hour, the little kids are screaming, fighting, crying, tearing the place apart. Their tiny bodies, as sugared-up as a bunch of plump Twinkies, are pumping out the hormones, primarily insulin. It's trying to rake up as much of that extra blood sugar as possible, burning some, putting some away for later. (2/3 of American kids are overweight; half that number are actually obese!) And what happens an hour after that? They collapse, usually deranged and weeping, their brain functions and bodily systems in a type of shock as their blood sugar dips below normal levels. This is when you see the little kid puking in line at Disney World. It might be the excitement, but chances are, it was the three Popsicles and the Slurpee that did the job.

When blood sugar drops, symptoms include nausea, jitters, headache and irritability--everything a child experiences halfway through a day at the carnival, or right after a birthday party. More serious hypoglycemia can cause confusion, anxiety, blurry vision and a wobbly gait. When hypoglycemia worsens, fainting is common and should be considered a real emergency. If blood sugar levels aren't restored, blood sugar can fall so low that the patient dies.

Preventing Hypoglycemia in Children
1. Start by feeding them real food. Feed your babies on real food run through the blender instead of store-bought baby food that costs so much and offers so little nutrition. Next, comes brainwashing. Once they grow teeth, convince them there is nothing more delicious than an apple and some walnuts. Feed your kids real food and you're starting them ahead of the pack, nutritionally speaking. They'll have better teeth, stronger bones, greater capacity for learning and higher grades, too.

2. Hide sugar the way other parents hide the gin. If you can stand your own cravings, don't even bring the stuff in the house. Don't "treat" your children by feeding them sugar. Would you try to make your kids "happy" by giving them heroin? Quitting sugar is just about as hard as getting off that white horse. But kids don't know any of that, so there are times when they will hate you for being so mean. Be strong; let them hate you and rejoice in their complex arguments, their smart scheming and the furious gnashings of their bright white teeth. Your healthy children, a little cranky, but so alive.

3. Never feel guilty about depriving your children of a "normal" diet. "Normal" American kids are obese and becoming diabetic earlier than ever in history. Have an abnormal kid! Once they get to school, it'll be impossible to control their eating habits, but while they're little and still under your dominion, this is the one place for you to exercise your innate right to parental tyranny. Protect them while you can and then hope for the best.

4. Fight for your kids' health. Well-meaning relatives who don't have your understanding of the dangers will try to give your kids sweets. Explain to them why that's no good. Print out this article and send it to them, or send them a link and ask, "Did you read that article on hypoglycemia I sent you?" They'll just have to think of other ways to make your kids love them. If they persist, send them your children's dentist bills; that ought to put a stop to their naughtiness.

5. Don't replace sugar with "sugar-free" or "diet" items. I'm not going to mention any brand names here, but I'm going to tell you that EVERY sugarless sweetener on the market has serious side effects. Some of them (often found in diet sodas) make you HUNGRIER! Some effect your liver, your kidneys. Some cause cancer. There's an herb called stevia, which is harmless and sweeter than sugar. You can buy it at the health food store, in powder or liquid form. You can use it to make cocoa or to sweeten your lemonade or tea. With the right recipes, you can cook with it, though it doesn't have the same structure as sugar, so cookies will probably disappoint you. But it's nice to have around-and it's the only non-sugar product that won't cause other health problems.

(And if your child does experience a hypoglycemic attack that's stronger than the usual "Grandma gave me eight cookies" reaction, bundle your bundle of joy into the car and get to the pediatrician.)