Private School Vs. Public School: My Experience with Both and Life Afterwards

Early morning, bell rings. All students at attention for two salutes. Red, white and blue waving on both flags, one with stars and stripes, one with a cross. The first salute most Americans would recognize, the Pledge of Allegiance. The second is a far lesser known pledge to the Christian flag, stirring in the breeze and directly to the right of the American flag.

I was enrolled in a private Christian academy for the majority of my school years. In that time I had a superior education and covered topics that are taboo in public schools. I became incredibly close-knit with my five classmates and wore a blue plaid jumper every single day. The music I did listen to was either hymns sung at chapel or what my parents loved to listen to; in my mom's case it was The Beatles and in my dad's, Creedence Clearwater Revival.

I switched schools after I completed first grade. I went on to another Christian academy, but only for the reason that when I was in kindergarten I finished the kindergarten and first grade curriculum and in first grade I completed the second edition of the curriculum and still was moving too fast. As subtle of a change as it was, I think that change of schools is what saved me from the fate that awaited my new classmates.

I was entering a school where everyone had known each other from birth. All the girls were friends and all the boys were friends. There was no leaving someone out, no gossip, no teasing. These kids had lived like this their whole lives and continued to for as long as they remained enrolled at that school. I was lucky to enter an atmosphere like that and I immediately had a room full of friends, no questions asked.

As far as I can remember, those school years were fine. I knew nothing different so I had no complaints. We had a strict schedule and the few games we were allowed to play had very stringent rules. This was the norm until I graduated sixth grade and moved across the street to the public middle school. Parents were outraged that their kids had to go to a public school, but I have to say I cannot imagine anything better happening.

One of the hard facts to face for parents of privately schooled children is that they are behind their peers socially. The first day at our new public school proved how awkward we all really were. I always had a distinctive tomboy style on the weekends, so translating that to a middle school wardrobe wasn't too hard for me. I wish I could say the same for my classmates who showed up wearing clothes eerily similar to our uniform of years past.

Now, I don't think that what a kid wears to school makes them or breaks them later on in life, but the fact of the matter is kids do care. Suddenly these kids who had never been faced with ridicule in their lives were thrown into a pit of other kids who had very specific opinions. They did what any herd of scared sheep would do; huddled and hid. That was where I broke away. It might have been that switching schools had allowed me to develop some additional social skills or maybe I was just more outgoing, either way I established myself apart from my former best friends.

Everything was different and I was moving along just fine. I only had the occasional glimpse of my past friends when I was amongst my new friends. I didn't purposely abandon them, I just felt a need to establish an identity away from parents and teachers and the same old thing. The bottom line is these were babes sent out to live the lives of teenagers. They had no sense of self aside from what their parents had told them. Rebellion was never an option and they were perfectly content with being that person still because they were never challenged to move on.

I really believe that private schools can permanently stunt the social growth of children. Sometimes it is a good thing because society today can be scary. But I don't think parents take into account that children need to have degrees of individuality throughout their entire lives. Sure I still love Creedence and The Beatles are one of my all time favorite bands, but I have my own tastes that supersede those of my parents. And it isn't just music, of course.

Imagine if you never had to fight to earn a friend. Or maybe when fighting with a friend at school a teacher always intervened and demanded you stop arguing, and you never developed the skills needed to resolve an argument. Maybe not all schools are like this, but the one I went to was. There are so many basic social skills available in a public school and parents rarely consider that their children might not be learning how to cope with real life.

I have heard every excuse from people who take a different stance on this subject. Some believe their children will never have to deal with the "real world" as I see it because they will be working within the church community or moving on to a Christian college. Others think the benefits of going to a private school far outweigh the benefits of attending a public school. Whatever their reason, I have been hard pressed to find a parent who will actually admit to me what their children will readily admit in years to come: private school stunts social growth.

Living that sort of a life does not prepare youth to move on to a responsible job, have great relationships both friendships and romantic relationships, and so many other things. I feel bad for, in a sense, abandoning my elementary school friends. They were great friends and have always had a place in my heart. I did need to become an individual, though. I needed to learn what I liked, what I wanted, how I felt about life. I wasn't content being told those things from someone who didn't truly know me.

I have come back into contact with a couple and they are pretty much polar opposites. One has rebelled in her twenties and moved on from the life her parents required her to lead and moved into a life that suits her purposes. Another friend I still don't talk to much, but only because our lives are hectic. She hasn't rebelled so much and is living a great life, it seems. She is doing great in college and has a meaningful relationship with a guy who thinks the world of her.

But there are still those who still live the life of yesteryear. I have seen it and it makes me so sad when I see someone who is supposed to be an individual who is growing, yet I still see the same little girl I knew so long ago. Some people can live that life and be happy, though. I cannot imagine my life being like that. I think I am far too outspoken and I love my life.

That isn't to say some of my life hasn't been hard; it has. I had some really rough high school years where I was trying to become who I am today. I had run-ins with my parents and I had some friends who were only there to backstab and further their own lives. I had grown up trusting and had to learn in the hardest way possible that people aren't to be trusted. I had my heart thoroughly broken by a boy who I still like to think was only too immature to understand what he was doing. I had three people who I was close to physically abuse me. I look at that time as a time when I gained and the lost everything.

Life isn't going to be easy no matter what a person's background and I know what school I went to had nothing to do with my bad times. And a parent who puts their child in a private school I know is just doing what they feel best. I don't believe the strict setting is good for a child to grow up in, though. Children need to be free to be creative, because they aren't just painting pictures, they are creating themselves. I think parents, including me, prefer to stay in the stage where kids listen to what we say and our opinions matter to them! Letting go is hard and one of my biggest problems, but at what expense? Or, perhaps more accurately, at whose expense?

School years are very important years in a person's life. It takes up thirteen years of life and at the end of it we are expected to be adults ready to move into society. What we give our children during those years dictates if they will be successful adults or if they will flounder in society. Since parents only want what is best for their children, it would go without saying that we need to give them the best. This includes social interaction, moral guidance and teaching them tolerance towards their peers.

I plan on teaching my child every aspect of life, including ideals taught in private Christian schools and social graces honed and perfected in public schools. What another parent does for their child is their business. I am not against a private education any more than I am against a public education, even if my tone indicates otherwise. I do not believe either education is complete. The most important thing is to prepare your child and to give them room to grow into the person they are.