Problems Faced by Expatriates Who Only Form Friendships with Other Expatriates

Sophie S
It is only natural that expatriates should seek and pursue friendships with fellow expatriates who hail from their home country once they have moved abroad. This gives expatriates the opportunity to converse in their native language and to reminisce about home with others who understand what they are going through. They can also relive their native culture and traditions with people who share the same background. But what are the disadvantages of only seeking out friendships with expatriates who come from the same country as you?

Distorted View of the New Country

Expatriates who all band together in a tight circle abroad will find that they can develop a very insular and distorted view of the new country that they live in. It is easy to gather with fellow expatriates and put the world to rights about all that their adopted country is doing wrong and how life was so much better at home. Expatriates who have lived abroad longer can influence newly arrived expatriates and put them off things before they have even experienced them! This will hardly make it any easier to adjust to a new culture and way of life. In order to avoid this sort of negative thinking and conversation, it is important to also make an effort to form friendships with native born citizens so that expatriates can form a more balanced view of the new country they are living in.

Homesickness

One of the main reasons why expatriates seek friendships with other expatriates who come from the same country as them is so that they can alleviate their feelings of homesickness. While this can work out for the good of new expatriates and give them a link to home that they might not otherwise have had, it can also make them feel more homesick and settling in will be made much harder. Who will want to settle into a new way of life when the old way of life is still so enticing and appealing?

It is by no means wrong to seek out friendships with fellow expatriates. But limiting friendships to people who share a similar background, language and culture will mean missing out on a lot of what the new country has to offer. Friendships with native born citizens can be just as enduring and as warm. But the only way to find that out is to branch out and allow yourself to make friends with a variety of cultures, rather than just your own.

Published by Sophie S - Featured Contributor in Lifestyle

Sophie is a British expat who has been living abroad in the United States for the past 5 years. She writes on a diverse variety of subjects and is particularly interested in sharing her personal knowledge ab...   View profile

14 Comments

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  • Kay Whittenhauer 1/13/2008

    Interesting. (As all your expatriate articles are.) It's very common for people of the same background to form their own sub-culture (ie- Chinatown, Little Italy, etc.)

  • Firoze Hirjikaka 1/11/2008

    I can relate with what you wrote. Although we are Indians, my wife works for an Australian company and, consequently, we come in contact with many Australian expatriates. Those who congregate socially only among their own kind are defeating the whole purpose of living in another country - which is to absorb its culture and national traits. These folk tend to look down on locals who, in many cases, are far more qualified and socially superior. I sometimes suspect this aloofness is a defence against a feeling of apprehension and uncomfortableness when they are among 'darkies' (as they call us).

  • Jody 1/9/2008

    Very interesting topic! I can definitely see how this would create many problems, though I see it happening all the time. I agree with Adam though, I think there are many other reasons. I have noticed that one of the biggest problems is learning the language.

  • Adam Willard 1/9/2008

    Great article about a very important topic! I know this happens all the time, but it needs to be avoided for the reasons you stated. Personally, I think you could've given many more, such as learning a language better by befriending nationals, as well as giving your national friends the opportunity to learn about/from the positive aspects of your native culture. In general, people like sharing culture, but if you never befriend a person of another culture, not only will you not have the opportunity, but you won't be giving it to them either. (Of course, this is just general advice to anyone reading, since you obviously understand this well.) Anyway, thanks for the article, I hope a lot of people read and learn from it!

  • Mary E. Coe 1/9/2008

    Very good advice.

  • Amy Kay 1/8/2008

    This is a great article. Expats offer that comfort, but there's a lot to learn by befriending a wide array of people.

  • eiffelvu 1/8/2008

    interesting. I know what you mean having lived in Europe for a few years, a comfort zone I quess when you seek out others who are familar, but you have to get over that and expand your horizens to learn about your new environment...thanks

  • Sophie 1/8/2008

    I have seen many people take comfort in expatriate communities. Americans in the UK especially like to flock together because they are in the same boat and the same holds true in this country too.
    Sophie

  • Kassidy Emmerson 1/8/2008

    I can see why birds of a feather flock together, as the saying goes. I'd surely do the same thing. But, as you pointed out, you need to broaden your relationship horizons out. Otherwise, it'd be like living in a vacuum.

  • Rachel Krech 1/8/2008

    Carol, it's why they are Jewish, Polish, German, Mexican, etc. neighborhoods in cities. People find comfort in those who are like them when it comes to customs, language, religion, and so on.

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