Profanity and Children: A Parent's Guide

It was a common threat when I was growing up. Washing a child's mouth out with soap was the cure-all for belligerence, cussing or just generally looking at an adult cross-ways. Do such things work for keeping children from swearing? How do we punish a child who uses swear words in this day and age? Do we continue to fight the good fight or do we simply sit back and accept the fact that, no matter how hard we try to fight it, they will still be exposed to profanity and will still use bad language when we turn our backs? All are tricky questions, but don't panic. It is possible to raise your child so they don't swear, believe it or not. I succeeded with two!
Here are some helpful hints to help you explain profanity to your child and to discourage them from using it:

Monkey Hear...

My mother used to always joke, "Do as I say, not as I do," but the best rule of thumb is to remember that children learn a great deal of their behavior and attitude from watching and mimicking adults. If a child grows up in a household where there is an excessive use of profanity, they will pick it up, the same as they will pick up any other bad habit. This is most noticeable, perhaps, in families with very small children who pick up the "d-word" or "s-word" and, not knowing it to be a bad word, horrifies the grandmother one day by turning it into a mantra, loudly chanting it in the middle of the grocery store.

If you want to curb the chances that your child will use bad language, improve your own first.

But What If You Slip Up?

If Mom or Dad have a potty mouth, there are chances that there will be a slip up. So how do you fix these mistakes? For starters, don't make a big deal about it - the more you trump up a word and make it seem "oooohhh" naughty or make it seem like an adult-only word, the more your little one is going to want to sample it and give it a shot themselves. The reason is simple - children idolize their parents and want to be just like them. If they think that saying a swear word will make them more like Mommy or Daddy, the more likely they'll be to try it on for size.

Don't be afraid to tell your child you've done something wrong. Explain to them that a cuss word is not a very nice thing to say and that you shouldn't have said it. Establish, early on, that profanity is looked down upon by other people. It was always explained to me that cuss words showed a lack of imagination and education, that they were used by people who couldn't think of better words. Of course, as a child, I usually rolled my eyes and tried to block out the majority of the "Why Kids Shouldn't Swear" speeches that my parents droned on about but, as an adult, their words often come back to remind me.

Setting up a profanity can is an often-used deterrent that teaches the adults to curb their tongues. Forcing Dad to drop a dollar in the can every time he says a naughty word will not only help to remind him to watch his language, but it can often prove a good way of saving up some extra money for that Santa fund or holiday vacation that you've been thinking about taking. The big thing to remember, however, is to make sure it's not a big game. Ensure that your child knows swearing is bad, not funny.

To Punish or Not to Punish

While washing a child's mouth out with soap or a few good swats with a belt might have been an acceptable form of discipline 40 years ago, such punishments are highly frowned upon these days, not to mention they are generally ineffective against teaching a child not to use cuss words. Perhaps the best defense against a child using profanity is to sit down and talk to your child, to tell them why you don't want them to use swear words and explain to them how people who use profanity are viewed by others.

If you've taken the steps to curb your own language but it's not helping to curb your child's, try having them write dictionary words. I quickly discovered that my children disliked having to write a list of alternative words that they could use in place of the cuss words - that took all the fun out of saying a naughty word. Additionally, they didn't like hearing mom say that she was disappointed with them and that she thought she raised them better - children strive to please their parents. While it's important to let them know when they've done something good or pleased you, don't be afraid to constructively let them know when they are doing something that you don't approve of.

Another thing to take into consideration, is who your child is spending time with - If your child is friends with another who does have a potty mouth, ensure they know that time with said child will be restricted if they are caught using the same language. You'd be surprised how even the other child will be more respective when they learn that no one seems to think their use of profanity is 'cool.'

If your child uses profanity, don't freak out. Deal with it gently and rationally. Don't be afraid to sit down, talk to your child, and tell them your expectations. Communication is paramount when it comes to raising a child. Speaking to your child about profanity is no exception.