Proper Etiquette for Your Jewish Wedding Engagement

Historically, one of the big differences between a Jewish engagement and a Christian engagement is having an engagement ceremony before the wedding ceremony. This is demonstrated in both the Old and New Testaments of the Bible and in the Torah. The Bible gives examples of an engaged couple "divorcing" due to indiscretions. When Joseph found out Mary was pregnant with Jesus he had the option of "divorcing" her because she was not pure. However, they were not married they were just engaged. Historically, when a Jewish couple became engaged there was a ceremony that legally bound them until the time of the wedding ceremony. The one thing that did not happen until the wedding ceremony was the consummation of marriage.

Jewish Wedding Engagements - The Te'naim.
Engagement in Jewish law is not just announcing an upcoming marriage. The Jewish religion carries a tradition that holds considerable social and legal significance. A Jewish engagement typically takes place at the groom's house when the Te'naim is signed. The Te'naim is a legal document that gives the couple an engaged status. The contract is often read out loud by a rabbi or close friend. After the reading a china plate is broken by the mothers of the bride and groom to signifying the engagement agreement. Te'naim is a mutual agreement made between the parents of the engaged couple. The agreement outlines the date of the wedding and the financial responsibilities of the involved families. Te'naim is primarily an Orthodox Jewish custom.

Jewish Engagement Traditions.
Once the Te'naim has been signed the bride and groom typically meet with a Rabbi to set a specific time and date for the wedding. Typically, the wedding needs to take place within one year of the engagement. Typically, most Jewish weddings occur on a Saturday evening and it cannot be help on religious holidays.

As the wedding approaches the groom is often called up to the synagogue to read passages from the Torah before the wedding. If any of the congregation has any objections they are able to voice them at this reading. After the groom finishes his readings the congregations throws raisins and candy to bless the union and offer the couple a sweet life. The couple cannot see each other for one week before the day of the wedding ceremony. On the day of the ceremony the bride and groom fast and recite prayers and passages. Fasting is done to atone for their sins. Traditionally they fast from dawn until the time that the ceremony is completed. Before the ceremony the bride usually visits Mikveh to symbolize her status change.

These are typical Orthodox Jewish engagement rituals. Many interfaith couples do not perform these rituals or only perform some of them.