Protect Yourself from Harry Potter Spoilers

On the night of the release of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, the queue outside a Borders store in midtown Manhattan snaked all the way around the block. As impatient kids, teens and adults waited to get their hands on the sixth Harry Potter installment, two zooming bikers appeared from nowhere, slowed down near the waiting people to shout, "SNAPE KILLS DUMBLEDORE!", and sped away before anyone could react. The same scene was repeated with variations only in minor details all around the country and all around the world: handmade signs bearing the same words held up to fans' faces, emails with that infamous message unfurled in a blinking, blinding banner... the biggest secret of the book was outed to thousands of fans before they could read for themselves.

As the seventh Harry Potter volume approaches, the vigilant fan has an uphill task ahead to remain spoiler-free. The world is gearing up for the greatest publishing event in history, here are tips to help you get the most out of the experience.

1. Don't stand in line.
Wherever you go to attend your Harry Potter party, leave at midnight and buy your book from a less crowded venue where you don't have to stand in line to get your copy. Non-specialized grocery stores are a good bet: Wal-mart, Acme, Target etc are unlikely to have queues that leave you vulnerable to drive-by spoilers.

2. Enforce a strict "NO SHARING" policy at home.
If you're sharing one copy of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows between more than one members of the family, then you need RULES. Tell your siblings and/or kids: "Share the book, not the story." Be firm. Establish stiff penalties for violators.

3. Impose a media-blackout.
Your TV, the radio, the internet - these are the three biggest threats to your spoiler-free existence. Over the first few weeks after the release of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, the media frenzy is bound to be at its worst. Your favorite morning news show will be discussing who dies and who lives, the blogs you like to frequent may not think to have a spoiler policy. Stay safe: swear off the media until you've read the book. It's the same old news every day anyway.

4. Become uncontactable.
Even well-meaning friends and relatives become sources of unintentional spoilers in the days following the release of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Imagine your father calling: "Hello, son, will you please console your mother? She just can't get over Harry dying." No, it's best to stay away from phones, email, IM and text messaging until the book is safely behind you. make sure you advertise this to your friends and family: put auto-reply messages in your email and record answering machine messages to let people know you're taking a "Potter-related break" from being in touch with your near and dear ones.

5. Read the book quickly!
As much as you may want to savor the magic for one last time, you KNOW it's not going to work. Read your book fast to put yourself in a position of power over others, rather than make yourself vulnerable by vowing to read only one chapter every day. Reading quickly will also help you fight your own temptation to spoil yourself silly by finding out the ending from a friend or your favorite discussion forum. Anyway, the sooner you read, the sooner you'll be able to discuss your thrilling new thoughts with other fast readers - just make sure you don't accidentally spoil someone who hasn't read the book yet!