Protecting Your Child from Bullying at School

If your child is being bullied at school, your first challenge may be to find out about it. Children usually aren't forthcoming about this kind of experience, for a number of reasons. They might interpret the abuse they're suffering as some kind of cause for shame. They may also fear telling you because they believe that if they make waves then the bullying will get worse.

In such a situation, you'll have to watch for subtle signs. Does s/he find a lot of excuses to try to stay home from school? When you ask about his or her day, does your child routinely skip over a certain part of it, like the bus stop or recess or the locker room? Sometimes bullying can cause severe anxiety and insecurity in children, to the extent that they don't sleep well any more or wet the bed. A sudden drop in a child's school performance can also be a sign that he or she has been under unusual stress.

Bullying can take a lot of forms, and not all of them are obvious. Boys have a reputation for being bigger bullies because they tend to use more straighforward tactics. This can range from mocking and taunts to racial/ethnic slurs to hitting and kicking. But girls also have methods of victimizing their peers, often in more subtle ways. They may excluse other kids from certain activities, or gossip and deliberately spread ugly rumors.

If you've reason to believe that your child has been the victim of any of these kinds of bullying, your first task is to make him or her feel that it is safe to talk to you about it. Resist the instinctual response to want to go out and confront the bully and/or his or her parents. Bullying is a form of acting out, and it may be a reflection of this young person's home life. An outright confrontation, then, might only exacerbate the problem for everyone involved. The same goes for encouraging a child to fight back - this just perpetuates the cycle of violence. Instead, gain your child's trust and then look for support within the school.

If your child feels particularly comfortable with a certain authority at the school, whether it's a teacher, principal, or guidance counselor, then this may be an appropriate person for him or her to report to if more incidents happen. But take you own initiative to inform your son or daughter's teachers and, if they don't seem really receptive, go to the principal. Children may be reluctant to open up about their negative experinces at school, at first, but they typically will end up relieved when they feel that the adults are taking care of it.