Protecting Yourself Online: Forum Chat and Instant Messengers

Forums and chat can be great places to get information or advice, share a hobby or meet people. You can even find support groups for chronic illness or abuse. Most forums have a chat room attached to their topic, where folks can meet, listen to guest speakers or simply just chat. The best forums are well run by experienced moderators that keep a watchful eye out for troublesome trolls and ghosts.

The proliferation of sex related forums is much more problematic. Lonely people hoping to find the "right" mate, often chat in these places. And it is here that often, the worst crimes are committed and the most severe damage is done. The behaviour in many of them is outright appalling, with individuals cybering multiple times per day with others. This is the true predators paradise. Pedophiles seeking minors, lonely people, the weak and vulnerable, often haunt these rooms, hunting victims.

Minors have very little true protection from these individuals or indeed the forums themselves. Yes, most ask for age sex and location, but.. anyone can say they are ANYTHING, who can tell? And, certainly if mods suspect a minor may be in the room they either request they leave or ultimately "boot" them. But by then often, through the private message feature,:" PM", contact has been made.

Assuming that the owners of huge forum sites like Delphi or Yahoo care, is erroneous. If you've been victimized, stalked or harassed in their rooms, it takes major proactiveness on your part, and pristine documentation to get them to act. Not only do they not react often the abuse must go on for an extended length of time to get results, or law enforcement must get involved. Their only interest is in making money. The ultimate responsibility for your safety or that of your minor children rests with you.

If you read their Terms of Service, they appear to have stringent rules governing forum usage. Nothing could be further from the truth. Responses can range from nothing to a suggestion YOU go offline. So.. how do you guard yourself from being hurt.? Here are some suggestions:

Don't assume you "know" the person you are chatting with.You cannot assume gender, age, looks or occupation based on chat, or location for that matter. Predators are very, very adept at masking e-mail addies, locations and even can use phone switch/routing to keep you from finding them. If you have any doubts, check the headers on any suspicious e-mails and forward them to your isp for examination.

Never give out personal information in chat. Avoid giving out information about minor children, grandchildren or personal finances. Don't post public photos of them either. Pedophiles often use them on child porn sites, exposing your little ones to unneeded danger.

NEVER ever send money to someone you don't know. I know a women who is suffering now, and will not report out of shame what happened to her. She lost $20,000 to her cyberlover. A man she never met in person. In addition, he thoroughly destroyed her reputation on the net as an additional "gift" Yet, in spite of my urgings to file a complaint, she sits hoping he'll marry her someday.

Be aware that having cybersex may be a set up for extortion. Using a webcam for this purpose is extremely dangerous and very foolish. Skilled porn site operators will often offer tapes of your activities, without your permission on their sites.
An adept hacker can even take a head shot of you and splice it on another body and make it appear as if you are engaging in these types of activities, even if you've never thought of doing something like that.

Understand that skillful predators can also elicit certain words of a sexual nature or connotation from you and create dialogues from them you never had. This perhaps is the most frightening scenario. Many dangerous criminals do this to control their victims, by threatening to "use:" this created dialogue or even photos publicly. If this happens to you, you mustn't give in to it. Go immediately to your local police department and report it. In most major cities, the police have a high tech crimes unit. Use them.

Chat protocols using IRC-internet relay chat, are extremely dangerous. They offer a highway straight into your computer. They also give skilled users or "geeks" the ability to track your movements in chat or elsewhere. Already they are wreaking havoc in chats, as people steal ids, impersonating others, spoof and otherwise causing harm. Exodus, Jabber, Mirc and PIRC are all IRC based.

AOL owned ICQ-I seek you, is a very popular instant messenging system. It is IRC based, but does offer a firewall, as does Yahoo and Windows Messenger. These handy apps are great for on the fly meetings, quick chat or even leaving messages. Just be sure not to leave them running when through with your session. Click them off so they are not sitting in your system tray. This is very important, if you have an always on connection.

Being safe means being aware. Like anything else in life, most trouble can be prevented by being an intelligent consumer. Chat can be a fun and relaxing experience, if you just simply remember that you never really know who you're talking to and adjust your chat accordingly. I've met some wonderful friends online, some I've met in "real" life, as a result. It is up to us, to stop the predators from ruining what should be a safe enjoyable experience.