Psychology Professor Offers Tips on How to Avoid Becoming a Narcissist

Modern day Americans have increasingly been accused by people from other countries of being a bunch of narcissistic ingrates who do little more than spend their days pondering their own silly problems. And while that may or may not be true, psychology professor Susan Krauss Whitbourne, of the University of Amherst, suggests in a recent article in Psychology Today, that narcissistic behavior is something that because it is learned, can also be unlearned, and should be if a person is worried that they have become someone who so caught up in their own thoughts, actions and words that they have begun to lose touch with the needs of others in their lives.

Ms. Whitbourne writes that it's important that people understand that there are really two very different types of narcissists: the kind who believe they better than everyone else, and the kind that focuses too much on themselves due to low self-esteem issues. In both cases, such narcissism can lead to problems with personal relationships and quite often depression. Thus, she suggests that people take a personal inventory and if they find they are leaning towards narcissism, to get to work on it.

By working on it, Ms. WHitbourne means following a course of action, which she outlines.

As with other mental maladies, the first step is in recognizing that there is a problem, once that's acknowledged, it's important that the person begin seeking ways to ground themselves in the reality around them by actively forcing themselves to note how life really is going on around them. Next she says it's beneficial to challenge some of the things that are believed to be true, but maybe aren't. For example, if a person finds that they believe they are smarter than everyone else they know, is there any way to prove it? Do others think so? If no evidence can be found, perhaps the underlying belief is flawed and the person should acknowledge that.

For those suffering from self-esteem issues, she suggests taking the regular therapeutic route, and that is seeking therapy and/or taking up activities where there is a good chance of success and then building on it repeatedly until self-confidence improves.

In either case, she suggests that once the bubble of narcissism has been burst, it's a good idea to admit or even apologize to the people that may have been hurt by thoughtless words or deeds and then to pledge to try to avoid narcissistic tendencies in the future. Keeping to that pledge should allow those that fear becoming a narcissistic individual sufficiently grounded to prevent it from becoming a reality.