PTSD After the Tucson, Arizona Shootings

Almost three weeks ago, Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords and 18 others were shot here in Tucson, Arizona. I wasn't at the Safeway food store where it happened and I didn't personally know Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords, or any of the other victims. I heard about the shootings by a telephone call from a loved one about 25 minutes after the shootings happened. Since that telephone call, I consumed myself with as much television and internet information about the shootings that I possibly could. When I wasn't hearing, or reading about the shootings, I kept re-thinking all the facts and visioning all the shooting scene photos in my head over and over. Every waking moment the details and the victims, including what they said, were all I thought about.

In the days and weeks ahead after the shootings, I became so depressed. I didn't feel like doing anything except lay in bed and just get up to eat. I lost all desire to do the things I used to do, including what made me happy. Two days after the shootings, I went out for the first time. I went to a local Walgreens store, but not the same Walgreens that was next door to the Safeway food store where the shootings took place. I got out of the car in the parking lot and the air felt so empty and quiet - so eerie. The air inside the store felt the same way. I looked at everyone inside and outside the store very suspiciously, continuously checking them out to make sure they weren't going to shoot. If you saw my face, it looked sad...like I had just lost my best friend. Since the shootings this same sadness followed me around each and every day.

I continuously thought to myself, "This must be what New Yorkers felt like after September 11, 2001". At the time, I thought I was affected as much as they were since I am a native New Yorker. After these current shootings here in Tucson, it made me realize I wasn't. I still didn't understand why the shootings here were affecting me so negatively, since I wasn't personally involved. I couldn't help myself to feel any better.

I have been in psychotherapy for the past 14 years, so I'm very familiar with a lot of psychological diagnoses. During my beginning years in psychotherapy, I was able to diagnose myself as having PTSD - Post Traumatic Stress Disorder two years before, I.e. after my mother had just died. After that visit to Walgreens two days after these current shootings, along with the sad feelings I was feeling daily, it felt to me that I was suffering with PTSD once again. I thought to myself, "Wow." I, myself, was amazed that the shootings had gotten to me so psychologically. I asked myself, "Could this be PTSD, even though I wasn't at the shootings, or knew any of the victims?" I even started wondering if a person, such as me, could possibly have too much empathy for others, which is why I was feeling so "down."

I put in a search box on the internet, "Can a person have PTSD from hearing about a local shooting?" and I chose the website: www.about.com for answers. Among its many facts about PSTD, the website states that to be diagnosed with PSTD: 1. The person experienced, witnessed, or was confronted with an event where there was the threat of or actual death or serious injury. The event may also have involved a threat to the person's physical well-being or the physical well-being of another person; 2. The person responded to the event with strong feelings of fear, helplessness, or horror; and 3. The person frequently has upsetting thoughts or memories about a traumatic event.¹ This definition described exactly how I was feeling. Wow! Here I was suffering with PTSD - Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, once again.

Helping Myself

I knew I had to help myself feel better because I couldn't go on feeling this down for the rest of my life. A lot of times we feel sad and depressed after such an experience because we feel helpless. On two separate nights, I decided to go to two of the memorials in Tucson - the one at Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords' office and the one in front of the Safeway store where the shootings took place. It was my way of paying my respects and showing my support to the victims. As I walked towards each memorial, I let the tears flow from my eyes as they needed to. Reading all the notes and messages from adults and children, seeing all the pictures of the victims and the candles, gifts, etc. that others left was sad and at the same time consoling. At home I have two Get Well cards to send to Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords to express my get well wishes, encouragement and to tell her how much Tucson misses her. I type similar messages on Facebook pages for her and the other victims and their families. I do the same on other websites that have their articles, or articles about them too. As I push myself to move forward, I continuously do what I can to show my support.

As I try to help myself, I'm helping others in need. Isn't that what life is all about?

"Pay it forward."

Sources:

1. Post Traumatic Stress (PTSD) (2011) http://ptsd.about.com/od/symptomsanddiagnosis/a/PTSDdiagnosis.htm