PTSD and Maternal Influence: Men Are What Their Mothers Made Them

Men are what their mothers made them.
(Ralph Waldo Emerson)

This quote has the most chilling accuracy in cases of males who are survivors of childhood abuse. One of the most important factors, which is too frequently overlooked in cases of male-gender-specific symptomatic Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, is that whomever actively abused a boy, it was his relationship with his mother which set the stage for how he proceeded into adult life. A boy could have had a great father, a bad father, or no father at all; but this holds far less magnitude, for it is a little boy's mother whose nurturing and protection grants him the emotional stability and connection he needs in his earliest years. A boy could have been abused by a close family member or a stranger; but whether or not his needs were met by his mother the most deciding factor in his ability to recover. If the mother herself was abusive, it does not take much to understand the implications; but if her part was simply in neglecting to protect him from others who were abusive, it is equally damaging.

It is not merely a cliche: if you want to know what a man is really like, look at his mother-- for it was from her that he learned in the earliest stages of his life how to view himself, the world and his place in it, and how to relate to others. If a mother fails to provide her young son with the foundations of tolerance, respect, interpersonal communication, and acceptance of himself, this form of neglect is more of a "time-bomb" than anything which may have come from other people in his early life. A boy may "identify with" a father or other significant adults, but it is the nurturing and relating factors from his own mother which figures most prominently in his growth. She has a two-fold role-- one, in providing nurturing and protection; two, providing him with his sense of self-worth by the messages she gives him and how she relates to him.

As child abuse and spousal abuse are in epidemic proportions in the United States, there is much focus on attempting to treat the problem after the fact, but far less emphasis on producing solutions by way of looking at the source and educating people in changing attitudes and methods of child-rearing. Adults who were physically or sexually victimized as children, and women who are or have been battered in their relationships, comprise a disproportionate percentage of our population which cannot be overlooked or simply reduced to statistics. The individuals who inflict such abuse are people-- look into the past and see from where they came. A little boy learns the very basics of his self-worth from his mother; from her he also learns whether females are nurturing human beings to respect and be respected by; and from her he learns whether he has a contributing place in society. If the mother has failed to instill these values and standards in his formative years, the only chance he has of 'healing' is if he is somehow willing, able, and committed to the task of addressing these issues and undertaking the difficult process of resolving them. Unfortunately, when males enter adult life carrying full-fledged PTSD from childhood, far too few are willing-- or emotionally-stable enough-- to work through and walk through the original sources of their pain, fear, anger and confusion, and instead, continue the cycle.