PTSD and Miltary Families

Three years ago I wrote an article titled Can Military Wives Suffer from PTSD? Little did I know that article would result in countless email from numerous military wives saying "Thank you for letting me know that I am not alone."

The sad truth is they are not alone but the numbers are impossible to collect because even now, nobody has bothered to find out what happens to the family upon the return of their service member. We are still sending troops into combat, we are still expecting their families to stay behind and support them and we are still doing nothing for the military families after the service member returns. It is assumed that the service member returns and life gets back to normal for their family. This is as far from the truth as one can possibly get. Life does not get back to normal on any level for many months. Suddenly there is another person in the home and if there are children involved the spouse left behind became Dad, Mom, the fix it person, cook, housekeeper and the only person the kids had to go to when anything happened. The returning service member often feels left out or expects that life will go back to what it was before they left; seldom is that possible as everyone has learned a new way of doing things and somehow they now have to integrate another person into the routine that had become a way of life for those left behind.

Military families live in constant fear during the time their service member is in combat. One never knows when the phone is going to ring or that dreaded knock may come to their door. Seldom is it talked about as military families have their own set of unspoken beliefs, there are words that are never uttered such as "killed, death, attack" and nobody will even consider the possibility of their loved on never returning home. We all carry that fear, but none of us will speak it.

Adding to the stress all of these things the military family becomes a target for anyone who has a political agenda to spout off to them and seldom do people consider as they bad mouth the troops standing the grocery store line that there might be a child there who has her daddy in the thick of combat at that very moment. Military families see hell in so many ways on this side of combat that it's impossible to begin to discuss it all at any one time. Yet, somehow the military, medical professionals and many others seem to fail to understand that when the family is once again reunited that they may suffer from PTSD or something similar. It is mind boggling to realize the minimal thought or consideration given to a military family member post deployment.

The primary cause for PTSD is "the person's response involved intense fear, helplessness or horror". As a family member that is exactly what it is like from our end of the war. We are thousands of miles away from the person that we love, we know they are in a dangerous situation and that all are at risk for injury or worse and we live in terror not knowing from one minute to the next if the person we love is in trouble, hurt or if we are going to be the next family to get that dreaded knock on the door. Yet, we are still being ignored and made invisible by the military and we still are being refused any kind of post deployment support and if we are not full time military, we are not even granted medical privileges that would allow us to seek help when the signs of PTSD begin to surface. The only available support to a military spouse through the VA (Veteran's Administration) is marriage counseling if the service member feels it's needed. While PTSD can create havoc in a marriage it can't be addressed appropriately in a marriage counseling session. It requires real medical care and monitoring by a medical professional or mental health professional.

I would like to say that I am surprised to find myself revisiting this subject three years later and unable to report any significant but I can't truthfully make that statement. The military asks a service member to be willing to put their lives on the line for their country and they do so willingly. They ask the military family to put their lives on hold, change their lives and somehow get through the closest thing to hell on earth that we can imagine and most of us do that as willingly as our service member does his or her job and yet after the service member returns we are treated as if we don't exist. Is it any wonder that so many marriages fail after the service member returns from combat? Most assume it is because the soldier is suffering from PTSD issues or other mental heath issues brought about by combat; seldom does one ask if it was aftermath of the war for the family member.

Until the government and military decide to make the military family something more than invisible in the face of the current situation; military families will continue suffer and beg for help that seems to fall on death ears. As I bring this to a close, I still don't have any answers and the solution seems obvious to me: Don't just treat the service members mental health also treat the military family. How many more families have to be destroyed by something that can be avoided if help was available? How many more family members have to think they are crazy or alone before someone address the fact that yes, it is entirely possible that those who serve at home can also suffer from PTSD?

As I seek to get someone to sit up and take notice, the best I can offer to those who are living through post deployment trauma issues is that you speak up. Contact every member of Congress, your local representatives and if you can get your local news to talk about this as well. Speak until you are heard. Nothing changes by being quiet. If you want change then make noise that the entire country will hear and maybe three years from now, I will not be writing another article asking why this is still being allowed to continue.