Pubescent Fury
On the up side, at least the daily drama on our trains more than makes up for it.
The three chavs were loitering on the platform opposite, scowling like monkeys. Chavs always scowl like monkeys. In fact, the only time I've seen a chav smile is when leering over page 3 of The Sun.
The chav that is. I wouldn't be seen dead with The Sun - unless I had been beaten to death with one rolled up and used as a club.
The Sun, that is. I don't intend to ever be rolled up and used as a club.
In case "chav" is lost in translation, I think the American equivalent is "white trash". I'm going to try and start pre-empting any translation issues. See some excellent definitions from the online urban dictionary.
As they swaggered about gobbing between every breath, they were smoking, and looking pretty pleased with themselves - smoking is banned at stations.
When I say they were smoking, I mean smoking collectively as one, sharing a cigarette.
Ugh! I imagine (not being a smoker) that sharing a cigarette is acceptable amongst couples, but when three grubby salivating teenagers are sharing one it is pretty gross - akin to sharing gum or a boiled sweet, or even (dare I say it) toilet paper.
Swaggering, loitering, gobbing, puffing, and all the while looking like they thought they were Kiefer Sutherland. Or three Kiefers I suppose.
When their train pulled in they seemed unfazed. Nonchalant in fact, continuing to puff and gob as if they couldn't care less. Then the doors shut and they panicked, banging on the doors and cursing the train driver. The train pulled away leaving them marooned on a cold, icy platform.
As for the rest of us on the safety of our own platform, we just laughed.
And then there was the time when our train pulled into a station that was lit up with fiery pubescent passion. A chav was on the platform snogging his girlfriend. I use the word "snogging" reluctantly, it's not a nice word, but it is the only one appropriate.
He got onto the train, then lept back out to give his girlfriend a final kiss. The doors shut, leaving him behind cursing in a stroppy fit of pubescent fury.
As the train pulled away I pointed and smiled. I felt it was appropriate to "let him know".
Published by Stoneskin
I am an eccentric, irritable computer programmer from Sussex. Real ale enthusiast, avid reader. View profile
- Easy White Trash Cooking - Part 2: Frito PieMiss Zenny shares her best White Trash recipes with y'all. Surprisingly easy and delicious, White Trash cooking was born of creativity and necessity.
- Easy White Trash Cooking - Part 1: Sh*t on a ShingleMiss Zenny shares her best White Trash recipes with y'all. Surprisingly easy and delicious, White Trash cooking was born of creativity and necessity.
- Growing Up White Trash Yep. I grew up white trash. In a trailer. Never wore shoes, my babysitter was the family dog (and that's only half a joke) and Top Ramen was a food group in and of itself.
- What is White Trash?Never let the left hand know what the right hand is doing!
- The Outlook on the Chav Culture
- Sexual Anxiety in Kafka's Novels
- New England Patriots Cheerleader Caitlin Davis Fired Over Facebook Pictures
- White Trash Party: Ideas, Costumes and Food Guaranteed to Git-r-Done
- What is White Trash?
- The 10 Greatest Depictions of White Trash in Cinema History
- White Trash: A Yummy and Easy Holiday Snack
- Chavs, White Trash, Pubescent, Trains
12 Comments
Post a CommentWonder why some other country's slang always sounds funnier than our own?
I don't know what's funnier -- the story or the slang...
Heh, I already knew what a chav was, thanks specifically to the Urban Dictionary (you've let the secret out, but only to the cool people--your readers), but what's "gobbing"? Is that spitting? A gob is a mouth, isn't it? Soooo confused...
I wasn't sure if I should thank you for mentioning me here or not, or if I should pretend I'm some OTHER girl named "Maria." Uh. Kansas feels like Norway at the moment. It was 60 degrees (Fahrenheit--again, sorry I can't do the Celsius conversion) this morning, and now it's 6 degrees. So good luck trying to resurrect a mammoth or cave man, or whatever it was you wanted to do in Norway (or Kansas).
I do love the term "snogging." Oh, but that toilet paper remark...I don't smoke, either, but given the choice between sharing a cigarette and sharing toilet paper, I'd have to go with the cigarette. Ick ick ick ick ick ick.
And I am glad that you defined what a 'chav' is. Although I don't know if these types actually 'swagger.' How can one have swag if he is sharing a cigarette with two other buddies?
thank you - that was a great read!
Thats so funny! Its the slang that makes this piece so original and interesting to read!
What the heck is a "boiled sweet"?
You think 3 teenage punks sharing a smoke is gross? Clearly you missed one of the common rites in your college days, in which a party of young people sprawl in a loose circle on the floor while music blares, candles burn, and they pass a bottle of cheap wine and chastise the nearest person on the floor for Bogarting that joint. Good times! ; ) Gotta say, Stoneskin, I'm getting a kick out of all the slang terms from your area. Chavs, gobbing, snogging??? I may have to investigate that online urban dictionary! Glad you didn't move. We'd miss those regular reports on the annoyances seen from the train station. Thanks for sharing your entertainingly pessimistic view. Makes us feel less daunted by our own petty irritations!