Q&A: God

In response to the positive content ratings for my interview with the voice in my head, and the negative comments I receieved for my controversial addiction piece, Why Weak Minded People Suffer From Addiction, I decided to combine my best article with my ability to make you people mad the interviewing the all mighty one himself, God! Keep in mind that the following is intended to be satirical and only about 40% true. There I said it.

After I saw that God had commented on my addiction article, I immediately contacted him for a possible interview opportunity. And finally, after weeks of begging, he finally agreed to be a part of it. So here it goes people. Let the hating begin.

Chris: Hello God, I would compliment your appearance, but you don't want tooo much of your identity revealed, is that correct?

God: Yes. Please keep the references to my appearance at a minimum.

Chris: So, you commented very positively on my addiction piece, first of all thank you, its not everyday I receive feedback form God, but why was that?

God: "Victims" of addiction have no one else to blame but themselves. When you stick the [Gosh darn] needle in your own [darn] arm, it is your owm decision to do so. No one is forcing you to do it. You can't claim to be powerless when you intentinally harm your own body not just once, but over and over and over again. There is no excuse at all for that whatsoever.

Chris: And hence, these people have weak minds, correct?

God: Exactly. Period. End of story.

Chris: You're God, so I'm sure you know this, but there was an entire article made in reponse to my opinion that not only bashes me, but takes my words out of context, written by another one of your human creations, what are your thoughts on that?

God: Every one has their own opinion. Some are just inaccurate.

Chris: Some would say you don't exist. Are they all going to Hell?

God: Well the people can't deny my existence once they read this interview, right?

Chris: There will always be skeptics. How can it be proven that you are real?

God: Look at the sky. Look at the ocean. Look at the trees. Observe the creatures. How do you explain it? I created it all. I know in may seem impossible, but I have magic. I'm a magical God. Magic.

Chris: I'm getting very uncomfortable right now.

God: Why? You shouldn't be. God doesn't require pants.

Chris: Of course. You're not human. You're a thing. I can see why don't want your appearance revealed.

God: Don't go there. Out of all the people in the world who want to see me, I'm talking to you, and seemingly, no one else will. You are very lucky that I even considered this time to speak with you.

Chris: I am very greatful, but how can I not accidently say what you look like.

God: To who? the voice in your head?

Chris: Yes. And by the way, why won't he leave?

God: Everyone has a voice in their head, your's just happens to be a racoon named sweetcheeks who knows how to fly.

Chris: Why was I put on Earth?

God.

Chris: So, you don't know either.

God: In your addiction story, you happened to mention this as a fun fact, BREAKING NEWS: THERE IS NO GOD. Were you asking me to send you to Hell right then and there?

Chris: You can't read sarcasm. And if that was taken the wrong way, then why should it even matter. Its just a statement that is proven false as a look you in the eye right now.

God: So you won't be saying that anymore.

Chris: Right. Since you are God, you get the last word.

God: Chalupa