Qualities of a Stress-Free, Ulcerative Colitis Relationship

Ulcerative colitis is aggravated by inconsistent exercise and dietary habits and by stress. So new relationships, especially in ones that mean a lot to both potential partners by definition can be the very circumstance that brings on a flare up. Thus people with ulcerative colitis need to do advanced planning to build the sort of relationship that can go with the flow of events. The most important qualities in a stress free relationship include selfishness, honesty, caring, commitment and a good sense of humor.

Selfishness

In my use of the term selfishness, I mean that when you have ulcerative colitis, you have to commit to a diet and an exercise program. Do what you need to do for your health; this will make you the strongest you can be. Although lifetime partners commit to a life in sickness and in health, only you can make you be healthy. Your partner can support your health goals, but they cannot make you do anything you are unwilling to do for yourself.

These tips allow selfishness and the planning of a romantic outing:

· Schedule your outing after your exercise program or schedule enough time to allow your exercise program or include your partner in your exercise program.

· Schedule meals at a regular time. Don't splurge on exotic foods to impress someone.

· If planning amorous activities, plan them for a time when your stomach isn't overfull.

Honesty

Whether you are attracted to someone or in a lifetime partnership, honesty is the grease that paves the relationship. If you try to pretend to be someone that doesn't have ulcerative colitis or to enjoy activities that you don't really enjoy or pretend to like someone who has qualities that you don't appreciate, you will find your level of stress increases.

These tips allow honesty and the planning of a romantic outing:

· Explain your health problems in a matter of fact manner.

· Choose activities that you enjoy and allow relaxation.

· Saying no to amorous activity is acceptable from both partners, especially if you say, no, just not yet. Never saying yes is a guarantee this romantic
partnership will end.

Caring

Showing caring can be as easy as a touch. If you're dating someone with ulcerative colitis for the first time and really want the relationship to work out, make physical contact early. Hug them, hold their hand, sit so your legs rub, hands touch etc. Close proximity means you care.

These tips can improve the sense of relaxation and provide a sense of caring:

· Choose an intimate location that allows honesty and a sense of privacy.

· Choose activities that will relax-doing an activity you don't enjoy will increase your stress.

· If on a first date, limit your time together to allow appreciation, fun, and conversation but not imply a relationship that you haven't built yet.

· If planning on amorous activities, be upfront about when and where. Make your love pit comfortable, use massage and other sensually appealing
stimulants such as lotions or oils, soft lighting, to make contact and relax the flight response and insure a sense of security.

Commitment

Nothing is more stressful to people in a relationship than a lack of commitment. Verbalize that commitment. My favorite word for my husband is "be explicit." Never assume you know what your partner is thinking or believing unless they say so to you explicitly.

These tips can improve the sense of commitment:

· Explain your needs.

· Explain your feelings.

· Listen.

A Good Sense of Humor

Because a disease like ulcerative colitis is unpredictable, have a sense of humor. You are not in control of all circumstances. Laugh if your plans go awry, but insure that you share your sense of honesty, commitment, and caring, too.

These tips can improve the sense of play and humor in your relationship:

· Know what makes you laugh and seek it.

· Play is important especially if it lets you touch your partner.

· Don't make assumptions and don't judge.

If you have a flare up during a romantic outing, accept it. There is always another day.