Questions to Ask the Groom Before Marriage

One of the most important questions you may have is whether or not your man believes that marriage is for a lifetime. I think it is very fair to ask those questions outright since it will have much to do with future planning. If you have visions of having children and growing old together as you both are actively involved in your children's and grandchildren's lives, you wouldn't want a playboy who readily says that he thinks eventually most people grow apart or meet someone more compatible during a later life stage.

It is also very important to know if either one or both of you have children already and if you want anymore. Sometimes for one reason or another, the man may have already had children and not told you. He may even have skipped over telling you that he was married before. It is very important to find this out because you will most likely eventually be a part of the children's lives. Does he think that you should stay at home for a time while the children are little, or does he see himself as a stay-at-home dad? Would he want a totally shared joint effort?

This leads to another very important question. Is he honest with you? If he is lying now before you marry when you are engaged and you are honest, this could be a sign of future problems. If he did omit some of the truth, and he says it is because he didn't want to scare you away, it is up to you whether you can live with this and whether you see a pattern of dishonesty.

Some people find it very important to know at least a little about any previous serious relationships and why they ended. It may be that your man gets along famously in the beginning, but when the going gets tough, he departs. I've often heard of this happening. On the other hand, he may have had only a few long-term committed relationships but have good reasons for the breakups.

I also think it's very important to determine if he actually means that he would love you "for better or for worse, in sickness and in health" because I've known several seemingly happily married couples who, when one or the other had a serious accident or medical condition arise, the other one wanted an almost immediate divorce. Just try to ask if he would love you still if you became disabled, and I believe you will know if this man truly will love you for the rest of your life.

Is what is important to you also important to him? Does he value your opinion or does he separate to be with the "boys" when you go to parties, and you feel like you're intruding
if you try to join the conversation. This might seem to you as though he simply needs time to adjust, but this can be a cultural or just a learned behavior that many women would not be comfortable with.

Does he seem genuinely interested in your goals, and are you interested in his? If you both want to get married, you need to plan future life stages together. What are his career ambitions? Does he foresee a change in career in his future? Would one or the other of you agree to relocate if it meant getting a very good job advancement for your partner?

Who would handle finances, or would it be a joint effort? Many times one partner ends up balancing the checkbook and paying the bills, and there are disputes over finances. You need to have an idea of what each other's incomes are and what you perceive they will be in the future. Some foresight into retirement plans is a good idea as well as insurance, both health and life.

How important are friendships and continuing to have date nights after you're married? Some couples think their families should always come first, and with work and family responsibilities, there is little time for other friendships. This should be discussed up front. Also, are either of you actively socializing and/or partying with co-workers on the job and outside the job? Would this make the other partner insecure? Can you both deal with the pressures of the other partner's job responsibilities?

Nowadays some people have a prenuptial agreement so that there aren't any major surprises after the wedding vows are taken. In other words, do you both take this marriage seriously? Are the wedding plans going to be made with the two of your wishes in mind or is one or the other Mother-In-Law taking over? Talk this over, and you'll be over another hurdle.

Most women want their man to love and treat his family well, but they want to come first. It is usually important that you feel that you are first in his life unless this doesn't bother you. If you and your man make plans, and he often changes them because his best friend or a relative talk to him, this would probably cause many disagreements. Is he a man of his word, or do other people influence his decisions so much that he changes his mind frequently?

Finally, only you can decide what are the most important questions that you want to settle before you marry. Not many couples can agree on everything all of the time. So, realizing this, try to discuss and settle only the most important issues, and learn to accept small differences. The differences are what adds spice to your relationship and what makes it unique.