Questions of God

There is a question which has pursued me
half my life; more. Asked in as many ways
as the number of people asking, the reasons,
the tones, equally as divergent as those
inquiring.

Sometimes respectful, sometimes
accusingly, occasionally curious -
though less genuine curiosity then I
would prefer, such coming mostly
from those newly known to me.

The question? Do

You

Believe in god?

(Or more particularly,
do you still follow the church?)

If, by this question, one means
do I still adhere to the beliefs
of a childhood god who ruled
through terror and vengeance -
excepting, it seemed (to my child's
mind at least), when he wished,
needed, something from us mere mortals -
a god of unbreakable, undefiable,
rigidity?

Do I believe
in the fear which tore families, communities,
to shreds? That even now I watch send nations
tearing at each others throats for a few
misconstrued, misunderstood, words
from a misty past wrapped in lores
perpetuated by those with position
to lose?

Do I follow
still the teachings which gave a child
nightmares? Nightmares
that still plague the man
thirty years later?

No. Unabashedly,
Unashamedly,
Emphatically - No.

Those beliefs
I rejected
long ago.

If, however, by ceaseless questions
you mean do I adhere to the teachings
of love for brother and sister,
forgiveness where possible - and
impossible? The ideals of compassion,
fellowship, understanding,
to the best of my ability
as a flawed human struggling
to rise above my base nature, to interpret
the words of teachers wiser than I
through my life's actions?

Yes. Those things
I will follow to my last breath.
To any who claim that without dogma
such principles cannot be followed
with meaning? I Say this - they fail

Completely

to hear the very teachings
they would teach. Baring that
there is only one other conclusion
a logical man can draw;
their belief is a sham - nothing
will be harmed by following the word
of prophets they have forgotten
how to understand.

Should these tenets of one man's life
be a source of pity from the Saved? Save it
for yourselves. You will need it in the darkness
that comes as you await alone the gnashings
of teeth you once taught a child so vividly.

And if this is cause for friendships
withdrawn? Keep them. I Have seen
friendship that fickle, meaningless -
and I have no use, no desire for such.

If faith, without the requisite
of your dogma, is cause for damnation -
damn me, and I will forgive you. Damn me
and be done
with it.

_{(2010-10-03; 05:03 AM)}