Questions for the Government: Where Our Tax Dollars Are Actually Spent

Yesterday I came home to find an envelope taped to my garage. Had a friend come by and left a weird note? Had someone come to offer lawn services? No, nothing so reasonable could have occurred that fine day. The envelope did not have a note, an ad, a takeout menu or a neighborhood notice. It was a bill for $12.

And not just any bill- this was a tax bill owed to the city for personal property that I sold a year and a half ago. And why did I owe $12 for it? I have no idea. The mysterious bill lay in my hand mocking my every attempt to rationalize it in my pitiful law-abiding-citizen's brain. The city had come all the way to my house to collect $12? Seriously? Yes, indeed they had. What follows is a dramatization of the phone call that resulted from the said bill for $12.

Me: Hi, there was a bill for $12 taped to my garage today. I was wondering why I owe taxes for something that I don't own anymore, and why I have to pay taxes on them in the first place?

Bureaucrat: Yes, that is owed for personal property contained in your bookstore in 2005.

Me: Really? You want to tax my personal property that was in the store? Not my business equipment, not the inventory, but my chairs and stuff?

Bureaucrat: Yes ma'am, any personal property that you had in the store has to be taxed.

Me: What about my picture frames? Did you tax me for those?

Bureaucrat: Yea ma'am, all personal property that was in the store is represented.

Me: How do you know what items of mine were in the store two years ago, and why does it come to $12?

Bureaucrat: The value was assessed.

Me: Assessed?

Bureaucrat: Yes, assessed.

Me: I see. And why is it due now?

Bureaucrat: We sent you notices. It's not out fault if you don't get the notices.

Me: How was I to know that you sent notices if I didn't get them?

Bureaucrat: We're not trying to upset you ma'am, we just need our $12. If we don't get the payment in full we will be applying to the judge for a lien.

Me: Seriously? You are in such dire need of $12 that our taxpayer dollars were used to send a guy all the way out to my house to give me a bill for $12- not to mention the person who assessed my office chair and family pictures. And now you are going to spend more money to apply to a judge to try to put a lien on my house for $12? Are you serious or is this some kind of prank?

Bureaucrat: No ma'am, we have to have payment in full or the application for a lien has to be made. It doesn't matter what the amount is.

Me: And you don't see that as a problem? To spend all that money and man hours to track down $12?

Bureaucrat: No.

Me: Ok then, thanks.

If you've ever held an Arthur Dent fantasy, it's nowhere near as fun as you'd think. I am now going to dutifully write out my check for $12. The tax collector also told me to include a detailed note telling them where the personal property items are now so that I don't get another bill next year. I think I may include a few other things in that note...