Questions Before Marriage: How Involved Will the In-laws Be in Our Lives

Some people are very close with their family. But when two people marry, there is the expectation that they'll put each other first and do things together as a new family with their own kids. However, that isn't always how it happens. The in-laws start calling all the time. They drop by without calling first. Soon, they're at your house almost daily. Even if you like the in-laws, it isn't unreasonable to want time alone with your spouse. And it can be frustrating when you suddenly have no privacy in your own home. Some couples will go as far as to move away from their relatives to prevent these problems. However, that's a bit extreme.

But what if your spouse doesn't mind their family always being around?

Sometimes, the problem can be that the person you love doesn't want to hurt the people that they love by telling them to back off a little. But usually, the problem goes deeper than that. Some people really love having a lot of people around them all the time. It's like a constant party to them.

But if someone works full-time, it's possible that they don't want guests over at the house almost daily. This is where consideration comes in for the other person that you're in a relationship with. You have to look for a compromise. You could go see your family sometimes rather than them always coming to your house. Or you could simply set limits that they can only come over on certain days and that they have to leave at bedtime.

But sometimes, your spouse just cannot be away from their family and wants to do everything with them. Some families are so close that the entire extended family vacation together even after the kids are grown. If this isn't the way you envisioned married life, then you may want to reconsider seriously dating someone who is extremely close with their family.

The in-laws visiting are only the tip of the iceberg. What about when a family member becomes too elderly or handicapped to care for themselves? Will they move in with you? This is something that is quite possible the two of you may not agree on. If you always planned on your mother coming to live with you, it's best to know what your potential spouse's feelings are on that before marriage.

Marrying someone who has grown kids can be a huge problem. Are you willing to babysit your step-grandkids? What if they want to move in with you? The possibilities for problems are endless. Your spouse's family can cause problems to the point that you'll end up divorced. Discussing all of these problems beforehand will at least give you an idea of what to expect.