Questions Before Marriage: How Will the Children Be Raised?
Do both people in the relationship want to have kids? If so, that's one issue you agree on. However, that might be the only one. How to raise the kids has gotten to be a source of many arguments in relationships.
1) Religion
It's very possible that the person you meet is going to be of a different religion. So, which religion will the kids be raised in? If you're Christian, and have been looking forward to one day playing Santa, it's going to be hard if the other person wants the kids to be atheist.
There are other issues surrounding this such as some religions require the male children are circumcised. If the other parent is completely against circumcision, partly due to there not being any valid medical reasons to do it, then the kids being Jewish or Muslim would be difficult.
And what about church attendance? Even if someone is a religious person, not everyone wants to go to church. But what if both of you go to separate churches? If one person is Catholic and the other is Protestant, that's also going to be a huge issue as to which the children will go to.
2) Discipline
This is something that people generally don't talk about until it comes up. Research shows that spanking does more harm than good. But regardless of that, some people still believe that children must be beaten into submission. They even quote from the Bible about it. There are a lot of different views on spanking. Some people are completely against it, some people believe in using belts, some people think only a hand should be used, and some go as far as thinking bare-bottom is the only way to do it. And spanking isn't the only form of discipline. With all of these choices, the chances are pretty good that the person you'd likely to marry has a different opinion than you. If both people are on opposite sides of the preverbal fence when it comes to spanking, it's best to find out before having children with the person.
3) Being over-protective and strict
Some of the worse fights parents have are over how much freedom the kids should have. Should they be allowed to go to other kids' houses after school? Should they be allowed to spend the night on the weekends? When should girls start wearing makeup? How old should the kids be before they're allowed to date? Some parents are so strict that the children aren't allowed to go into another kid's yard to play with them. These questions may seem as if they'd be years off since you haven't had kids yet, but never put off the inevitable.
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8 Comments
Post a Commentyou really helped me on my sociology paper this was a great source thank you!
Great topics on your page here. The fact is, how the kids should be raised can break apart marriages. And it really is rediculous thinking that these issues will go away or can't impact the relationship or the marriage b/c they do. It's not just kids it's everything from finances to sex to whatever small thing that can drive someone crazy. Of course there is a difference b/w people that have these types of differences & make the marriage work or the ones that allow them to get in the way and allow them to consume the marriage. So...I'm not sure if these are issues that need to be discussed before marriage or just need to be tolerated for the sake of it? Guess it depends on what you want more - to be married or to have control over where Jimmy goes to school? It's very rare that you find a couple who are compatible in every aspect & even if things are discussed & some type of conclusion is made (ideally this is) then is it really going to stick on a daily basis when someone has been pro
very good article by the way!
I am a little suprised you included marriage in the title instead of Pre-Marital, Engaged, Dating or something like that. I hope your audience finds you! :)
Nice article. I found that my beliefs about what children should or should not do changed once I had children. A lot depends on the child themselves. How mature and how responsible they are effect what they are or are not allowed to do.
This article is so true, people should discuss their future children before they get married.
Couples rush into marriage too fast today and don't consider all the important issues.
.... if only pre-parenting counseling were as available as pre-marital blood tests! You raised important points.