Quick and Dirty Movie Reviews: Flakes

Quick and Dirty Info: Released in 2007; Directed by Michael Lehmann; Starring Zooey Deschanel, Aaron Stanford and Christopher Lloyd.

Top 3 Reasons Not to See Flakes

1: Zooey Deschanel. She plays a terribly dressed, self-absorbed ditzy hipster named Miss Pussy Katz who runs around saying shit like "you can't nurture your soul and accumulate at the same time" and ruins everyone's lives with her self-righteous bullshit. For the first time, Zooey Deschanel loses that endearing balance between obnoxious and endearing and goes full on obnoxious. Don't watch it unless you're willing to run the risk of hating Zooey Deschanel forever.

2: The plot. A guy (Aaron Stanford) works at a cereal bar (it's just what it sounds like). Another guy opens a less dirty version of the cereal store across the street. They call each other names for 45 minutes, then hand out a bunch of flyers and make DIY t-shirts. Then the movie is over. Seriously. That was the whole movie. It grossed a whopping $311 dollars in its opening week.

3: Hipsters. There is nothing more obnoxious than listening to a bunch of post-teens waxing self righteous the "best" years of Cap'n Crunch and the bouquet and mouth feel of Fruity Pebbles like baby wine snobs. Except when they eventually switch topics to rip on "suits" and "consumerism". All their self righteous pompous bullshit reminds you why everyone hates hipsters in the first place: because they're really just hateful little future conservatives dabbling in corporate sponsored "counter culture"...it's like Urban Outfitters started making people.