Quick and Easy Adult Halloween Costumes

It's not easy getting older. Your bones ache, you count the days until your first Social Security check comes, and the hits you grew up to are now considered 'classic rock'. Well, at least a few of the problems of youth have past. You now know your left from your right, you got your braces off, it's not all about being the most popular one, and you don't have to agonize over finding the perfect Halloween costume. What? You got invited to a Halloween costume party? I'm so sorry.

I can't ease the pain of your having to watch your co-workers perform a poorly choreographed version of a Blue Man Group show (while wiping the running blue paint out of their eyes). There's no way I can clear your memory of the image of eighty-five year old Great-Aunt Ethel prancing around in one of those 'sexy-Dorothy' costumes. But what I can do is offer a few suggestions for costumes that won't break the bank, are fast and easy to do, are relatively comfortable to wear, and will not cause you too humiliation.

Sweat Suit Chic

Sweat suits are great for costumes. How great would it be to attend a party in total comfort while your best friend melts in that awkward Hershey's Kiss monstrosity. Just don your appropriately colored sweats, buy or make ears and tails, and draw on some whiskers, and you can be any animal your heart desires. Want to be an eggplant? Wear a purple sweat suit and a green baseball cap. Green socks would be a plus. You can even put a few leaves in your hair to enhance the effect. Trust me any piece of produce will do.

Formal Wear Fab

If you have a fabulous evening dress lying around, this is your chance to wear it, girls. Grab that red dress, weave some faux leaves and vines into your hair, and call yourself a strawberry. You could be a green grape, an orange, or any other fruit. Not feeling very nutritious? Vanna White is a good option, especially for you natural blonds. Or you could go as a celebutante. Just wear your dress, some large sunglasses, as much jewelry as you can handle, and carry a stuffed dog in your purse. Add a tabloid and your cell-phone, and snap! You're paparazzi ready.

It goes for the guys, too! Pull out that old tux or hot suit, and let your imagination go. Wrap your hands and face in ace bandages and wear sunglasses to become the invisible man. (This one is a big hit, but is also a bit uncomfortable. . . make sure you can see!) Get all snazzy, and go as Bond. James Bond. Grease your hair, wear a loud tie, and a chain in your pocket, and you are 1940's gangster ready. Do you have a gray suit? Be Pay Sajak. Grab your Vanna and go!

Word Play

Come in costume and start a conversation at the same time with these wordy, wearable costumes.

"Every cloud has a silver lining." Wear something black with a silver lining, a black sweat suit that you fabric paint silver on the seems, or a fluffy bathrobe with a silver dress underneath. Okay, I think you can take it from here.

"Monkey on your back." Wear whatever you want, just tie a stuffed monkey to your back and you're golden.

"Big Apple." Try your red sweat suits or dresses with leaves, and pin a sign on yourself that says 'big'. Gentlemen, under no circumstances should you suggest this alternative to your wife or girlfriend.

"New Kid on the Block." Pin a sign on yourself that says 'new kid' and carry a square piece of wood around. When people ask you what you are, put the block down, and stand on it.

These are just a few ideas. The point is Halloween is here, but don't worry, you probably already have your costume lying around the house. So, pull out your stuff, get a little creative, and try to have a great time. Oh! And give Great-Aunt Ethel a hug form me, I bet she'll look hot!