Quick Guide - How to Talk to Your Boss

Stop.

When facing a problem at work, people are generally inclined to take extreme action, whether that is to overreact and get themselves in trouble, or to hold their tongue and hope that things fix themselves. So which is the better course of action?

Neither.

These problems are obviously a big deal, otherwise they wouldn't bother you, so you need to say something. Likewise, you don't want to get fired for yelling at your boss, so you need to watch what you say. Bite your tongue, and you're not happy. Freak out about it, and no one's happy. So here's a list of things you should do to make sure that you connect your message thoughtfully and helpfully for both you and the other party.

1) Calm down

You don't want to make a scene, especially if the problem is more personal than communal. This includes, but is not limited to, sulking, talking about it with co-workers while on the clock, etc. The bigger the problem, the more time you should take to let yourself calm down about it.

2) Talk to someone

I'm not contradicting myself. It's perfectly okay to talk to people about it, just make sure you're not at work when you do. Talk about it with co-workers if you want, but not on the clock. You can find out if the problems are communal without putting people's performance in jeopardy by upsetting them at work. It helps to vent to someone outside of work as a way to talk yourself through the problems. Sometimes, in doing so, you'll find that the problem may be with you alone, and may not involve anyone else.

3) Write it down

This is definitely the most therapeutic of the steps. Writing it down allows you to get everything on paper in front of you so you can see it and understand what's at stake with the issue. It also allows you to look over your thoughts and add anything you may have missed, and oftentimes in writing these thoughts you'll stumble along other ideas you may want to consider. After you write it down, make sure you analyze your own thoughts. That way, you can validate that your thoughts make sense as well as make sure that your argument is congruent with your issue. Sometimes your mind will add some things to the mixing pot when they're really not involved in the issue at hand. Additionally, make sure you do your research. If you're talking about scheduling issues, make sure to look at the labor history before you talk to the manager. Any "weapons" that you think can be used against you, use for yourself first. Likewise, you might learn of a few holes in your argument. If your facts aren't straight, you're going nowhere fast.

4) Talk to yourself

Talking to yourself about the issue allows you to run through possible scenarios in the conversation. This allows you to be prepared to back up anything you might say when you get to the final step. You say what you want to say, think up any possible answer your boss might give you, and if you suspect a certain question will give you an unsatisfactory answer you can be prepared to ask another question, or at least prepare for when those answers might come up. You may find new things to write down, in which case repeat steps 3 and 4 until you feel you've exhausted everything that you might want to say.

5) Calm down (again)

Take a few minutes before the meeting/conversation to calm down; go to a coffee shop, read a little, watch some TV, just do whatever you need to get your head clear and your nerves settled. The last thing you want to do is walk in a nervous wreck and blow all your hard work.

6) Talk to your boss/the person involved in the issue

Finally, the culmination of all your stress and deliberation! Don't try to recite anything word for word; the best thing you can do here is just to speak your mind and let it flow. At this point, you've written it and said it all enough that you should know what you have to say. At the same time, you shouldn't feel obligated to speak it all from memory; it's perfectly okay to bring a write-up of step 3 with you to the meeting.

I've worked in the service industry at the same company for two years straight now, and from personal experience, this seems to be the best method for getting issues resolved. Everytime I've had an issue with my boss or the way things were going at work, I've done these things and I've stayed happy with my job as a result. The most important thing for you to remember through all of this is to keep your composure. You want to verbalize your emotions and let the other party know why you're upset but you don't want to come off as just some disgruntled employee; remaining composed makes you look much more professional, and ultimately the other person will take you more seriously.

Good luck.