Quick Tips on How to Turn Down a Wedding Shower Hosting Offer

She's your fiance's ex-girlfriend. She's your crazy aunt Millie. She's your female stalker. Whoever she is, the woman who has offered to throw you a beautiful wedding shower may not have the best intentions in mind. Most brides obtain shower offers from individuals who either desperately hope to be included in the bridal party, who hope to bring attention to themselves rather than the bride, who simply want an excuse to throw a party, or who have some other troublesome motive. But how can a gracious bride-to-be refuse politely without making an issue? Consider the following tips on how to turn down a wedding shower hosting offer for a few quick ideas.

Tip #1: Accept the offer first. Trying to find a reason to reject a wedding shower hosting offer on the spot will only lead to a tongue-tied excuse and an awkward moment. Kindly accept the offer, thank the potential hostess, and make your plans to cancel as soon as possible (well before planning has started or invitations have been sent out). Give yourself at least a few hours to develop a reason for not being able to accept.

Tip #2: Suggest an alternative party. If you feel that the potential hostess, for whatever reason, may simply not be the best formal party giver, suggest a more casual affair. A lingerie party, for example, would be a less traditional option that leads to fewer social obligations in return.

Tip #3: Suggest an online party for "out of town guests." Whether having a "get together" with out of town guests is really the reason, or if you merely dread what your hostess might subject your loved ones to in person, is of no importance here. An online party requires nothing more than a chat room, online gift card exchanges, and online games (some popular verbal wedding shower games can be played online). Many brides are taking advantage of this less traditional "shower" option today, and doing so may just prevent a poor experience for you and your fellow party goers should the hostess be less than capable. Again, due to the lack of cost, the social obligations due in return are far less.

Tip #4: Present the tried and true "too many showers, not enough guests" routine. In other words, if your maid of honor or another friend is already hosting a shower for you (or if you can count on them to), you can simply present the fact that inviting the same guests to two showers is considered inappropriate in many cases. This traditional shower etiquette faux pas will be hard for your would-be hostess to ignore.

Tip #5: Arrange your own canceled party. A last resort, of course, and only to be used very carefully, but it is possible to invite guests that you know will not be able to attend. They will R.S.V.P. to say that they are not able to come, and fate will work itself out from there. A party with too few guests is usually canceled ahead of time. Again, this route of cancellation is tricky and a poor move at best, but can work for the most determined of bridezillas.

Tip #6: Present the fact that another hostess has already offered...and leave it at that. Don't try to make an exception, and don't start fumbling through your date book. Look your potential wedding shower hostess squarely in the eye and let her know that the need has been filled. Thank her, and walk away quietly.

Ok, so this article is meant to offer a few light solutions to an age old problem. Of course, you should gracefully accept every wedding shower offer made if possible, even if the party-thrower is less than the perfect hostess. But just in case that fresh-out-of-jail, seventy three year old, slightly unstable great-aunt who once admitted to being in lust with your boyfriend just happens to offer her services, well, you'll be ready.