Quote and Thought for the Day; July 28, 2009

And the end of all our exploring

Will be to arrive where we started

And know the place for the first time. T.S. Elliot

Finding our true self is a struggle that we sometimes aren't even aware we're engaged in. We feel ourselves discontented, ill at ease with our friends, our work, and even our families. We look outward to other pastures and far away spaces seeking that which we seem to be missing within our own places.

This ongoing search for that which defines our happiness is a human search, one that Mr. Elliot knew well. For most of us, the object of our search has grown dim through time. We knew it once, that fragile hope and dream that fueled our existence, but time and the burdens of living have buried our dream underneath layers of denial and expectations.

I remember a hot July day about 45 years ago as clearly as though it were yesterday. Several friends and I had spent the afternoon "swimming" in a creek near our house, searching for crawdads and other earthly wonders. Exhausted from hiking, splashing, giggling and swimming, we were lying on the bank, wet hair drying in the sun, and tanned arms and legs sprawled comfortably on each other, as good friends in child hood will do.

I was 11, a leader of our little gang, always plotting new adventures, a risk taker who denied any vulnerability in herself. As we lay there, restive and musing about the day, our conversation turned to what our friendship would be like when we grew up.

I remember clearly stating, "I love you guys, but I won't know you when I'm older. I'm going to travel the world, see the Taj Mahal and climb mountains. I'm going to swim in the Mediterranean Sea and live on a Greek Isle. I'm going to England and find out where King Arthur is buried. (I was reading the Holy Grail tales at the time and quite taken with those stories of knights seeking the Holy Grail)"

I don't remember what their reply was but I can still feel how supremely confidant I was of my dreams.

But I never did any of those things, except for one. I don't know those friends any more. I can vaguely see their faces, remember a few of their names, but our paths have long ceased to cross. What kept me from accomplishing those childhood dreams?

I forgot them. I turned 13 and boys began to court me. I went to school and dated and married, had children, went to college, worked to support a growing family and was happy in my forgetfulness.

But now, I remember that desire to explore. It's come to me lately in fierce desire to see those Greek Isles and taste the salt of foreign seas. Other dreams that young girl had are pushing upward, buried under years of self denial and adult responsibility.

Will I make the journey and what could possibly be preventing me?

Perhaps fear of change is the biggest dragon we face. Author Saran Ban Breathnach wrote in her book, Simple Abundance, about a favorite quote of hers. "It does not do to leave a live dragon out of your calculations, if you live near him." by J.R.R. Tolkein. She went on to describe some of the dragons of fear in her life.

Fear of failing, fear of change, fear of starting something and not being able to finish it, fear of embarrassment (what will people think), fear of the unknown. All these fears haunt our hopes and prevent us from living our dreams.

This isn't new knowledge or new ideas, that fear is the largest fire-breathing dragon in our lives. So how do we fight the dragon of fear?

When little children are afraid of something, we cuddle them and hold them and shine the light of truth on them, reassuring them that there are no boogie men in the closet or under the bed. We love them.

Do you love yourself enough to shine the light of truth on your fears? And do you have the love and friendship of other dragon slayers in your life. Arm yourself with them, those dear friends and family who believe you can do anything you choose. Like my childhood gang of many years ago who believed that I could slay any monsters or dragons that came our way, they followed me with love, trust and faith.

The author Bertrand Russell once said., "To fear love is to fear life, and those who fear life are already three parts dead. "

I remember that sun kissed, freckle-faced wild and fearless tomboy who ruled my summer days. I know her and I welcome her emergence into this 56 year old life.