Quotes of Charlie Sheen: Gonzo at Its Finest

On the cancellation of Two and a Half Men:

Yes, I was running it -- burning it at both ends. And you know I'm not going to say it wasn't epic and I wasn't having a ball and all those around weren't completely enjoying the show. And yes, we were on a rocket ship to the moon some nights, but if you do the crime, you've got to do the time.

(Piers Morgan Tonight, 2/28/2011)

On reports of losing sponsors:

Sheen: Did we lose Gillette, Target, Wal-Mart, Volvo?
Piers Morgan: What is the answer to that?
Sheen: I don't know. Maybe you have the answers.
Morgan: I don't know the answer. No. I don't know the answer.
Sheen: I didn't do that research.

(Piers Morgan Tonight, 2/28/11)

On publicly offending Two and a Half Men Producer/Co-Creator Chuck Lorre:

I am sorry if I offended you. I didn't know you were so sensitive.

(20/20, 3/1/11)

On whether he regrets taking drugs:

I guess there is some school of thought that dictates that we are the sum total of all of our experiences. Both good or bad, win, lose, or draw. You know it's like that. So, I don't think I would trade any of it because I'm still alive, which is pretty cool.

(Piers Morgan Tonight, 2/28/11)

On taking drugs:

When you see how I party, man, it was epic. The run I was on made Sinatra, Flynn, Jagger, Richards all of 'em just look like droopy-eyed armless children.
(ABC News, 2/28/11)

On marriage:

I'm 0 for 3 with marriage, with never an excuse, but like in baseball, the scoreboard doesn't lie, never has. So what we all have is a marriage of the heart. To sully or contaminate or radically disrespect this union with a shameful contract is something that I will leave to the amateurs and the Bible grippers.

(The Alex Jones Show, 2/24/11)

On pushy people:

I'm sorry, man, I got magic and I got poetry at my fingertips most of the time and this includes naps. I'm an F-18 and I will destroy you in the air and I will deploy my ordnance to the ground.

(The Alex Jones Show, 2/24/11)

On his energy:

I was bangin' 7-gram rocks and finishing them because that's how I roll. I have one speed, one gear: go.

(ABC News, 2/28/11)

On his brain:

You borrow my brain for five seconds and just be like, "Dude, can't handle it! Unplug this bastard!" It fires in a way that is perhaps not from this terrestrial realm.

(ABC News, 2/28/11)

On where his kids are:

(Gesturing toward his home)They're right in there somewhere.

(TMZ.com, 2/28/11)

On his "goddesses" and friends looking after his kids:

Everybody here is parenting the kids. They're running into walls, but they're

screaming 'Da-Da' when they do it.

(TMZ.com, 2/28/11)

On hitting "rock-bottom:"

Isn't that a fishing term?

(TMZ.com, 2/28/11)

On Michael Jackson:

Don't do drugs that are just supposed to be administered in a hospital at home. I mean, read the label. Read the directions, guys. Do your frickin' homework.

(TMZ.com, 2/28/11)

On his life:

I have a grandiose life. I embrace it. Sorry my life is so much more bitchin' than yours. I planned it this way.

(TMZ.com, 2/28/11)

On his publicist, Stan Rosenfield, immediately quitting after the TMZ interview:

P**sy. He's not allowed to quit, so you're fired.

(HuffingtonPost.com, 2/28/11)

On his newfound sobriety:

I am on a drug, it's called 'Charlie Sheen.' It's not available cuz if you try it once you will die. Your face will melt off and children will weep over your exploded body.

(ABC News, 2/28/11)