Racial Identity: My Human Heritage

First , let me honor my parents and grandparents for their wisdom of teaching me not to identify myself or someone else by a descriptive or categorical word but by their name and self integrity. As a child, it never occurred to me that my family was labeled by some as"Other", nor did it come to my mind that we were "poor". I was 14 years old in high school and living with foster parents, when it was brought to my attention by a teacher that I should ,"highly consider assimilating to the "suburbanite world". I was thoroughly taken back by her comments and did not realize initially ,that she thought there was "something wrong about me." I had to change to be like her ? What was this about?, I thought. Was it her personal rules of life, a high school law, or just a foul joke of hers to the new rookie student; me.? Another example, would be when she said to me, "You first must cut your long curly hair, secondly change your length of skirt to touch the floor when you kneel down, and , use proper English instead of "dialect !." "And lastly she said ,as she was walking away from me; "FORGET about past birth family and start fresh in your foster home."

As a 14 year old in 1960 , my first gut reaction was to spit in her face; but I thought better of it because I was after all "one of those foster kids". I had just been removed from my Father's custody in the inner city, taken to a town that I had never heard of nor knew anything about; and I was in culture shock. I was already fed up with this teacher who enjoyed talking about someone present using 3rd person;as though you were invisible. This so called teacher upon being introduced to me by the school secretary said," She is one of those foster kids better put her in special ed classes until we test her!" I was standing right there ready to say hello and shake her hand but she did not even look at me, referred to me as though I were underneath her foot. She chose reprimanding me within the first hour of my first day of high school. Then, I realized that she thought she was my boss, my supervisor, spiritual deity, and parent. I heard her name was Miss Browne. I thought that unless I did what she told me, I would not make it in my new school nor be able to stay in my foster home until lunch time. The disappointment was a pain in my heart that spread throughout my me instantly ,but it did not match the anger welling up in my stomach. I felt numb. I was afraid to speak up. Instead I wanted to "slap the taste out her mouth for disrespecting my birth family and for thinking she knew everything about me because she called me,"one of those foster kids?" I had heard about teachers like her but I thought they taught in children's homes, or orphanages, or jails; not in regular schools. I sat down on the chair in the office and begged inside to go back to my real home;not this garbage."

As I sat there on that chair I suddenly began to think about my last conversation with my Father, as the case worker was loading my things in her car, so many years ago. Dad told me,"AnnMarie I can't raise you anymore, you are a young girl, and you need a Mother.". I cried answering, My Mama died 4 years ago and I have been taking care of myself, I do not want another Mother." He bowed his head and then said,"They decided this is what is best for you, that is the end of it." I went back and forth in my mind wondering who "THEY" were ?, Remembering the day Mother died so suddenly of burst ulcers, the day my eldest brother left for Korea, and my younger brother left for his foster home, hurt me." Real life hit me and felt like this rock of coldness inside me. Oh that was a grand way to start life over; as a teenager. Where was all the "good things" the case worker, my Dad, and the pastor promised me. I ask Miss Browne, " Can I ask you some questions before I decide to go along with this "assimilation" idea of yours?" She said,"Yes, ask away and I will also call a witness, a Guidance Counselor, in to our "assimilation" session!" She said that as though it were a threat to me." I excused myself and waited on the brown chair in the hallway; outside her door. Sad and scared but mostly confused searching for the confidence I knew that I had inside, at least until I met Miss Browne. Nearly an hour and a half later ,an elder man came up to me and introduced himself as,"Guidance Counselor Mr. Frazier".We said our brief introductions and went into the main office to meet with Miss Browne. Our session started out awkwardly with a lot of silence and mistakes by everyone. I already knew that Miss Browne thought that because I had chosen to live out in the streets in inner city and runaway from my Father's; since Mother died, that I was a low life?" Well, I recall in some of her words,"corrupt, delinquent, less than intelligent, and that I was not capable of making this assimilation to her satisfaction. I figured it was mostly because I talked back and was a foster kid." I wish that back then I would have had my Miller's Analogy test results to shake in her face or my Master degree in Education that I earned in 1997. I wanted to say to her face; "I am a Melungeon Appalachian and if I want to say "sitting up under, or talking' or Mama and Papaw; it just ain't none of your business and by the way I got straight "A"'s in English clean through college;without your,"assimilating factors."

Sometimes recalling our "assimilation session" irritates me to this day. Anyway, back then during that meeting we got past introductions; Mr. Frazier told me to ask my questions politely and that he and Miss Browne will try to do the same. My first question was to Miss Browne, "What does assimilation mean to her? and my question to Mr. Frazier was,"Why did I have to mark "Other" for my race;Other than what?, I asked them. There was complete silence for about 10 minutes. Mr. Frazier spoke first," You had to mark "Other" for your race because our forms are not designed for all races, someday I hope we will change." He appeared ashamed to have to answer. "I am sorry that is unfair, he remarked quietly." "Miss Browne gasped at my question and choked at Mr. Frazier's response to me. Mr. Frazier asked her to please just answer my question, in fairness.

Miss Browne said,"Assimilation does not mean anything to me, I am like everyone else that is accepted with out question!". "You on the other hand are not like us and your birth certificate states your Mother was an "Other". "More silence filled the room. I did not cry this time. I left the room and walked the two and a half miles home so I could be out in nature by myself and be safe. I knew my Mother was mixed race; Melungeon because my Grandmother Branch was American Indian, Hispanic, and Scottish and my Great Grandfather was Hispanic, Portuguese, and Mulatto. I just made sense then that my Mother was multiracial, and as her child and the descendant of my maternal grandparents I was of multiracial ancestry. I decided before age 14, over 45 years ago, not to pick one family members race over another family members race, because whoever I did not pick would be disrespected; it would be worse then spitting on their grave or tearing my shirt to disown them. But "OTHER"; I had not heard that word about any human race until back then at age 14; it disgusted me then and does today, some 45 years later.

Since that "assimilation session"so long ago, I have researched all my families, both paternal and maternal. Recently within the last year ,I had my DNA analyzed. My results indicate that my maternal ancestor was an African woman from East Africa who later migrated through the Sahara Desert and merged with the L1, L2, and created L3 lineage. My paternal DNA marked from my brother, now deceased, stated his paternal DNA was non African Native American and his first male ancestor mated with an Asian female who later migrated to Caucasian Mountains. Although Miss Browne years ago dishonored me and my ancestors she did light a fire in my gut to find out my own blood line. It hurts me that Mr. Frazier has also passed away and I am not able to say thank him for encouraging me to ask questions. I realize that sometimes professionals have to use the "categories" presented to them on paper but I do not!! I am not, nor was any of my family, an"Other". I mean just what do triracial humans mark in those little boxes on applications..when there is nothing that says who we are racially. I am totally grateful to the last census takers as they had racial categories for humans who were multiracial, meaning more than 2 racial and ethnic heritage. But I still see applications and forms that limit what racial and ethnic "group" who can claim to be your own. For instance, the last week I filled out an application for an academic position at a local college and attached was a form to identify my gender and ethnicity. My choices were white(non-Hispanic), Black, African-American, American Indian or Eskimo, and more than two races not Hispanic, and the useless disgusting box called,"Other". I did not have a box that honestly fit my human heritage. So what was I do to? "Just pick one?" the receptionist said, It doesn't matter to us what you pick." " but it matter to me and to my ancestors and descendants!!"She walked away without a word?"

I have given depths and countless hours of thought to "Who am I? "Who are the citizens of the United States of America?" We do have a right to a choose how we self identify and whether we choose to assimilate or not. "What does being human of multiracial ancestry in the USA mean to us? "What heritages and races are we free to identify?" Of course, this is just my personal opinion -but is it just to mark one box when you know in your heart you and your ancestors are of multiple mixed racial heritage? How does anyone decide on what human racial heritage that they self identify with to the world? Do most people just go along with the limitations stated by anyone designing a form? Or do some people just think it does not matter and don't care;like the receptionist at the local college and Miss Browne; my so called teacher from years back. I have the understanding that U.S.A. no longer identified anyone by colour of skin, or texture of hair, or racial stereotypes and ethnic assumptions. Am I wrong? Is it justice and liberty to just"check what's there? Is it mainstream American to only pick one group of ancestry to identify with and forget who else is in your heritage and DNA ? What happened to freedom of choice, free will, and all those grand terms of unified pursuit of being just exactly what and who were are; as Americans?

During all my years of doing family research, which began when I was searching to find what "OTHER" truly meant, I have seen abbreviations next to my ancestors names on birth certificate, marriage licenses, death certificates, census, enlistment papers, final Indian rolls, slave schedules, freedman bank applications, dow servant records, and have not seen the term,"other" marked in many areas. I did find it on my maternal grandmother's social security application, the boxes marked were, white and other. But her choices were black, white or other?! She had the wisdom to mark those boxes but was denied the right to mark or write down that she was Melungeon!! She was racially and ethnically/culturally American Indian, Hispanic, and White. Her Father was Hispanic, Portuguese, and Mulatto and her Mother was White Scottish, American Indian, and Basque. My maternal grandmother married my grandfather who was Polish Jewish from Russia. So just what categories should my Mother have chosen, or me and my descendant's and their off-springs? "OTHER"; other than what? As I see my grandchildren and their vast array of skin, eye, and hair color and shapes of their face structure;I know I am seeing generations and generations of multiracial DNA; not just one or not even just two. The time of the brown bag racial discrimination is over but yet reminders of it remain on forms and in self identifying information that seems to completely erase all the human and civil rights efforts of equality under the law.

I want this article to start truthful dialogs about North Americans and our choice of self identity and respect for our human heritage and ancestry. My hope is that readers will discuss this content and speak them minds, after all this is our America!