Racist Comments Inter-Racial Couples Endure

Racism is something I have a lot of experience with as a product of an inter-racial marriage. As someone who is married to a man of a different race I have endured a lot more racism. The majority of people we meet aren't racist. But there is a racist minority that keeps racism alive and kicking to this day.

My mother was Thai and my father Italian. My father met her in Thailand while in the Peace Corps. My father got in trouble with the Peace Corps for the marriage. You could help the Thais but you didn't marry them. They told him he had to find his own way back to the US. He spent a few agonizing days worrying until they agreed to pay for his flight back home.

His reception at home was just as warm. His mother didn't like my mom because of her race and had no problem showing it. Even as a child I saw her racist feelings about my mother. The irony is that my grandmother faced this same racism from her father in law for not being Italian.

Growing up we endured the racism against our mother from my grandmother. We also endured racism from the Thai community. The majority of Thai people we knew were incredibly gracious people. Only a small minority were racist. They would insult us to our face in Thai. What they didn't know was my father and my sister understood. It didn't matter though because racism is easy to understand in any language.

Their most common racist insult would be to say I looked like my father. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't insulted being told I look like my father. However I look a lot more like my mother. It was their way of saying I wasn't Thai that my mixed blood left me unworthy of being called Thai.

I learned to shrug off the racist remarks. I learned to judge people by who they are not what they are. I ended up marrying a wonderful man who just happened to be black.

My father was concerned that my new in laws would not be happy and I laughed. My in laws divorced and each remarried a person of a different race. The racism we have endured has been from friends and co-workers.

One racist comment was from my best friend since grade school. She was talking about her inter-racial neighbors and said "they will be having an Oreo baby". I was stunned into silence. The racist comment flew out of her mouth without a second thought. Our friendship ended with that one sentence.

A co-worker said to me "I'm not racist, but" which usually is followed by a racist remark. Sure enough, she talked about doing a double take when she saw a "white girl and a black boy" walking hand in hand at her daughter's high school. She just couldn't believe they would be that open about it. She also commented that she'd rather her daughter date a black guy than a Mexican.

One of my husband's co-workers made a racist remark when he put a picture of me on his desk at work. He was asked why he didn't marry a "sister", why a white woman? My husband calmly told him he married the woman he loved. He said he didn't support racism in any form and walked away.

Most inter-racial couples I have met have their own list of racist remarks they have heard. One friend was pregnant and her racist mother in law told her she didn't know if she could love the baby if it looked black. She was greatly relieved that the child looked "normal". Hatred breeds hatred. This marriage didn't last long and she never sees her first grandchild.

We have learned to ignore the occasional racist remark. When I hear them now I think of a story about a man who was trying to get Buddha angry. The man kept hurling insults at Buddha. Finally Buddha looked at him and smiled. He said "I do not accept your gift of hatred." This is the lesson I will teach to my son. I will teach him to be proud of his Irish, English, Italian, Thai and Black heritage. I will teach him that you can combat hatred and racism with love and someday that will be enough.