Raising Compassionate Children

Helping your child to becoming more compassionate is most likely a challenging task. Most parents would agree that children are born with rather selfish motives and learn very quickly to say the words 'no' and 'mine'. So what are parents to do in order to help their children develop the inner compassion and care for others which is so vital in today's world? How do we keep children from being too concerned with themselves and more concerned with others? The answer may surprise you.

Many parents get swept away in the habit of lecturing and even yelling at their children when they do something they shouldn't. Children get used to hearing the lectures and even begin to drown out what their parents are saying before long. Eventually, the continual reminders and vocal lectures seem to have little effect on the children. This isn't to say it has no effect on them, as they are still learning through the lecture, however, children will be more likely to learn from their parents' living example.

Children do indeed have an inborn capacity for compassion. Infact, they often identify with small animals, including stuffed animals and have compassion for living creatures. This compassion can and should be nurtured and acknowledged by adults. The inborn compassion that children have for small animals and other children is also often coupled with limited impulse control. For example, many children will pull the cat's tail without thinking, or steal a toy from another child that they really want to play with. These actions do not imply that the child lacks compassion; they just have not developed their ability to control their impulses yet. This is also where parenting needs to kick into play. By acknowledging that the child has not learned how to control their impulses and that they are capable of being compassionate and caring in their own nature, parents can help children develop into caring individuals.

Young children also typically adopt the belief that they are the only ones in the universe. Therefore, their mindset teaches them to be possessive and protective of their things. This is also why sharing often does not come naturally. However, with assertive and authoritative parenting, children learn that sharing is something good and may even result in a reward. Sharing is something that adults often lecture about frequently, but the children do not always see it come into play. Parents may need to demonstrate sharing with their children or with each other in order to help their children realize how to not be selfish.

In order to fully acknowledge your child's natural compacity for compassion and caring, there are several things to try. Most parents think that lecturing is the only way to promote compassion in your child, however, the little day to day encounters can often become teachable moments for your children. For example, something as small as treating the bank teller or the librarian with respect and kindness demonstrates to the child how important it is to treat each person with respect. They will not only notice your kindness, they will start to exemplify it. Many parents teach their children to say hello and the children learn to interact socially. Sometimes, it just takes a little extra compassion in the daily routine to impact children and help them along the journey of character development.

Of course, a child's temperament does impact the likelihood of their character development which may lead to complications. However, there are still ways to quietly influence and impact the development of your child's character and leading by example tends to be the most positive and natural way to parent.

Promoting sweetness in your child is one way to impress the value of compassion. For example, show your children how to be gentle. Children will often be naturally rough with their toys. Teaching children to be gentle with their toys and other children from a young age will help them from doing more damage as they grow. One mother suggested to tell children "We use our hands to give love," especially concerning animals and other children. Taking children by the hand and showing them how to be gentle may keep them from grabbing a baby when they are trying to be friendly.

It also helps to speak softly. By being warm and caring when your child is in pain, they will tend to exemplify this when others are in pain. Modeling compassion and patience goes a long way with little ones. Also, when a child's friend is in pain, suggest a hug. Children will often not need much of a push in this area because of their natural tendencies and capacity for compassion.

Another important way to develop positive character in children is to reject rudeness. Gently and firmly saying no is necessary so that your children know it is not okay to be rude.

Also, apologize! If you feel you have been short tempered with your child, acknowledge it and apologize. Your child will learn that everyone makes mistake, and that is important to take ownership of the mistakes and seek forgiveness.

Enforcing rules is also vitally important when it comes to parenting. Setting consistent expectations and holding your child to it is necessary to foster responsibility and respect for authority. Your child's teachers will certainly appreciate the extra work you took to setting a good example for your child and parenting with care.

Providing structure and expectations will also help your child to become more responsible and caring.

Good manners are also necessary to form good character. Making sure that your toddler always says please and thank you will go a long way. However, this is one rule that must be repeated. Consistent encouragement and the expectation of your child to have good manners are necessary.

In order to guide your child's friendship, outlaw name-calling and promote sharing. Also, encourage children to be open and friendly. Simply by encouraging your child to greet their friends and others, you will be promoting friendliness in your child. Also, encourage your child to continue being kind when you notice them doing something well.

Little encouragement and even small rewards will show your child that you notice when they are being obedient and respectful, and that you appreciate their efforts!Also, remember that everything adults say will either be modeled by or noticed by children. Even with nieces and nephews and cousins, they hear and will model what they hear. Be careful what you say and avoid trash talk of any kind, especially around little ones. If nothing else, they will repeat what you say, but more importantly they will start to develop these habits as well