Raising a Disabled Child: My Experience

As an independent disabled adult, strangers approach me; who are amazed at my mobility. The average person views living independently with disabilities as overcoming adversity. Yet, in reality it is the product of the environment that you were raised in with respect to your situation. My mother was young when she gave birth to a young child with multiple physical disabilities. She had no idea how to raise a disabled child; so, I had no idea how to be one.

Although she may not have known it then, everything she did prepared me to be the independent, college educated, professional adult that I am today. So, when I see parents with their disabled children I always want to share the knowledge that helped me. The best advice I could give anyone would be to create an environment of "structured normalcy," this is a term that I use to refer to an atmosphere that is a normal as possible while maintaining the safety of your child. Structured Normalcy has several different aspects.

The most important aspect is discipline. I am not sure why, but many parents of disabled children let them get away with murder. This may make life easier today, but tomorrow your child will have to learn how to play by the rules. It is important to be the same disciplinarian with your disabled child as you would be with your other children or any child, if you have no other children. This has a two-fold advantage. The first being that your disabled child views himself or herself as being just like your other children. Secondly, they become accustomed to rules and boundaries.

Wait and see what happens. The "wait and see" mentality is where you allow your child to determine "their" disability. You have to let children be children. Don't be afraid to see your child fall. I used to climb trees, ride a skateboard, and play football with my cousins and older brother. I did those things because no one ever told me I couldn't. My mother never prevented me from trying new things. She watched me, but never stopped me. And, by allowing me to try and keep up with the boys, I was able to move through physical therapy smoothly.

Talk about everything and ask lots of questions. Communication is important in any relationship and in the process of raising any child. However, with disabled children even more so. Serious conversational dialogue between you and your disabled child should start as soon as possible. The sad reality is there are a lot of people who will try to take advantage of a disabled child. Because, the perception is that a disabled child is not intelligent enough to realize they are being taken advantage of, nor will they say anything to any adult. Unfortunately, these people are generally individuals that you and your child may know and trust. So, it's important that you make yourself easy to talk to. Do this by asking questions. When I was around 4 or 5 my mother would ask me questions about how people made me feel when I was around them. Nothing too difficult just stuff like, "did it seem weird when she left the room?" Little things like that made it easy for me to tell her everything. Now, 20 some years later, I still tell her everything.

Know that the things you are doing will reap a reward. I am sure it gets tough going to the countless doctor appointments and physical therapy sessions. But, know that everything that you are doing today will produce a strong independent adult for tomorrow. And just think, one day your physically disabled child will be a physically disabled teenager and that's a whole other set of tips!