Raising a Gay Child in a Homophobic World

Most of us remember how stressful it is to be a hormonal teenager. When a teenager is gay the stress can be enormous. It can be fearful for parents to raise their child in a homophobic world because of the bullying that they may receive from their peers, other family members and society at large. Parents of gay teens should be supportive and non-judgmental with an open door policy for their child.

Gay teens are commonly disapproved of because of fundamental religious teachings. Their authentic lives are reduced to hurtful labels and they are often shunned by the people who are the closest to them. The pain of rejection is a heavy mantle that many gay teens can carry into adulthood.

As a parent of a gay teen, I am proud that my child has decided that it is better to be true to himself than to try to please everyone else. He is mature enough to know that when other people have issues with his sexual preference--it is their problem. This inner confidence will help my child when others reject and despise him.

So often gay teens become depressed because they want others to accept them before they can approve of themselves. Sadly, suicide is a major cause of death for gay teenagers. Gay teens attempt suicide at a rate four times over their heterosexual peers.

We live in a conservative small town and I was worried for my son because of how society treats its gay members. Several years ago a shooter went into one of our gay bars and killed several gay men. Bullying of gays is also rampant in the halls of school and even in our religious temples.

When my son came out this year, I bought him a book written by other gay teens who went through the same experience. They all shared their unique experiences of opposition from family, strangers and friends.
At first he tucked the book away in embarrassment. After all, no boy wants their mom sticking her nose into his sex life. But later he told me he really enjoyed it and shared it with his friends.

After I read the book, I asked him to tell me about some of his favorite stories. This opened the door for us to talk about his situation at school. Parents who want to help teens survive in a homophobic world should keep the communication lines open regardless of their own personal feelings. My son was fortunate that I had already come to accept my own bisexuality and had no problems with his sexual preferences.

Though my son will continue to encounter people who are afraid of his sexuality, he is happier than ever and has surrounded himself with supportive friends. He went from being a very shy teen to a very confident and authentic young man.

In society there seems to be an impossible standard of perfection and being gay is not a part of that illusion. Imagine what would happen if the standard were raised from being perfect to being true to ones self? More gay teens would have a happy life where they do not have to compromise their integrity just to be accepted by others.

Sources:
About.com at http://gaylife.about.com/od/gayteens/a/gaysuicide.htm
Personal experience
Hear me out by Planned Parenthood of Toronto (Teens educating and confronting homophobia)