Raising Giving Children in a Selfish World

When I became a mom, I wanted many things for my children. Some of these things were material items but most were character traits and talents. I wanted and want my children to be giving and compassionate. This is a nice general desire, right? Well, I have found a couple of ways to encourage a giving attitude in my children. Now, I am not so bold to say, "Follow these proven steps and your child will never be selfish again," but I have seen a giving spirit grow in my children that has filled me with joy and hope.

The first suggestion may sound silly. Take your children to the store to buy gifts for you and all family household members. I even suggest doing this as early as age one. This routine is a wonderful way to start a giving spirit. This can be complicated if you are on a very tight budget or a single parent but it can work. Even if you are taking the child to buy a gift for you, help the child select several items, then close your eyes and tell the child to select the one they want to give to you. Of course, you will see the gift as you pay for it, but fooling a 3 or 4 year old should be simple enough and the joy they get in giving you a gift of their own choosing is well worth the little "deception". The cost of the item does not matter, only the fact that the child picked it out on their own. On a shelf in my bedroom sits a papier-mâché orange and a unique multi-colored figurine that I was given from my son when he was 2 and 3 respectively. They could not be any more beautiful than the most expensive gifts. Then, as they get older, they may even start to pay attention to what you like and surprise you. For last Mother's Day, my 11-year-old son rode his bike to a local discount store, purchased a heart-shaped locket, came home and put a picture of the two of us in it. I was so touched by the gift and he felt so proud. It was a great moment for me as a parent.

My second suggestion is one we all know of but maybe don't do as consistently as we should. Encourage your children to make gifts, write thank you cards, and generally show appreciation. We all have received gifts made by our children at church, preschool or daycare, but we don't always encourage this at home. I have a craft closet that holds glue sticks, washable paints, brushes, glitter, markers, crayons, paper and many other craft items. By sitting with our kids and encouraging them to make a thank-you painting or a letter to grandma and grandpa thanking them for a sleepover or to daddy/mommy for working so hard for the family, you are showing your children the joy of expressing appreciation. Another way of showing this is to write your own thank you cards with your children. By seeing your expression of gratitude, they will emulate you in your actions and joy.

The third suggestion is a little more effort, but well worth it! A couple of years ago, I started a tradition with my children. The first two weeks of the New Year, we commit to doing random acts of kindness. There is one rule that governs these two weeks of random acts of kindness: the recipient cannot know that we are the gift givers. During week one, we select 3 extended family members or friends and do something sweet for them. The act may be mowing a lawn, leaving their favorite candy bar on their doorstep, sending them a Starbucks gift card, etc. The fun and tricky part is not getting caught! Week two involves acts for strangers. We have slipped lottery tickets through cracked open windows in parking lots, left boxes of See's candy at strangers doorsteps, paid for several cars behind us at toll booths, etc. It is such a blast! This suggestion not only encourages giving and kindness but is also a great way to bond with your children. Just by reading this article, I am sure you have thought of many additional ways to teach giving, and that is exactly what I encourage! Use your creative mind to teach giving in any way you see fit. In a world where kids are taught that getting is better than giving, I have decided that I will try to go against the mold. Do my children have iPods and video games? Of course, but they also give away many of their last generation toys and electronics to less fortunate kids instead of selling them. Gratitude is a wonderful ability and I hope that as my children grow up and start their own families, they pass their joy of giving to their children.