Raising Happy Siblings of Autistic Children

Being the sibling of a child on the autism spectrum isn't easy. Autistic kids often have different sets of rules than their siblings - mainly because they have developmentally delays or can't perform age-appropriate skills. Everyone has to compromise when dealing with an autistic child, including other children in the house. This is not easy to do, especially for younger children. Parents often feel guilty about the sibling's position, but don't know what to do to better their situation. The goal is to help the siblings bond, eliminate resentment and teach the sibling about the differences while maintaining the sibling's importance. It's not easy, and there are no quick fixes. There are, however, some basic guidelines to help parents relate to the sibling of an autistic child.

Implement guaranteed 1:1 time. Devote time to the sibling that is completely theirs. Let them choose what to do, where to go, everything. It's not very often that siblings of autistic kids get to choose. Most of the time they have to do whatever the autistic child wants. Give them their chance to do what they want with your undivided attention.

Reward for good behavior. Give extra rewards for extra good behavior. Putting up with a sibling's behavior is hard enough. Dealing with an autistic sibling who might bite, scream for hours or even smear poo on the walls is beyond amazing. Reward them for helping, calming or just doing what they're supposed to do to reinforce the behavior and to let them know you notice.

Show the benefits of maturity. With the autistic child getting away with more because they don't understand, it's easy to see why some siblings regress. The best way to combat this is to show them why maturity is so great. What can the sibling do that the autistic child can't? Take them places for older children, to movie theaters or to play dates with bigger kids to help them see that being mature does have perks.

Try a 5:1 ratio (minimum). Give five positive comments for every negative. Tell them how great they're doing and what a good older sibling they are to counteract anything negative they hear.

Point out great behavior. Besides the 5:1 ratio, always point out wonderful behavior when it happens.

Let them hear you brag. Tell other adults how great of a sibling your kid is, and how during hard days how much of a help he/she is. This makes them feel important, both to you and to their sibling.

Tell the autistic child how lucky they are to have such a great sibling (within their earshot).

Give them something - and somewhere - of their own. They need to have their own space, such as a room, where they can go to be alone. Everyone needs a break sometimes.

The children who are siblings of autistic children are exposed to stress very early in life. They have to grow up very quickly, and give up many things for their siblings. It's important to respect their feelings and acknowledge how hard things can be, and to devote as much time and energy as possible to their health and happiness also.