Raising an Only Child Who Isn't A Spoiled Brat

I am an only child and my son is an only child. And neither one of us is spoiled! OK, I'll admit I have a little problem with sharing. And just try stealing a french fry from our son's plate. You'll immediately find yourself on the wrong end of a teenage stare down.

But one thing he has going for him. He's not considered a freak of nature! I counted about five only children in his kindergarten class. While I think I might have been the only "only" child in the entire school! And those questions accompanied by pitiful looks were really annoying. "Aren't you lonely? Do you get everything you want?"

No one has ever asked my son anything like that. In fact, kids are a little envious. "You mean you don't have to share your X-box with anyone?" I'm sure he likes the attention, when it's positive. If you're an only child, you never fly under the radar. And that becomes a problem when you hit the teen years.

The economy is prompting many couples to re-think having two and three kids. One child might seem like the best option. And there are ways to make sure your kid grows up with the same values and principles as any other kid with siblings.

Promote Your Child's Independence

It's easy to try and hold on for dear life. I find myself fending off those feelings all the time, now that college is fast approaching. But your job is to promote independence. As much as possible, let your kid solve his own dilemmas. Don't coddle. Problem with a teacher or another kid? Try to let him work it out first, before you get involved. It will help him hone his problem-solving skills.

Encourage Socialization with Other Children

Join a play group if you have a toddler or pre-schooler. Also go where the kids are. We spent a lot of time in parks, municipal swimming pools, ice/roller skating rinks, McDonald's Playland, etc. As the parent of an only child, you depend on other families even more during those early years.

Get Your Child Involved in Sports and Organized Social Activities Early

I know there's a movement away from too many structured activities. But when you're an only, teams teach you to get along with a group, and that lesson is invaluable. We started on the swim team at age five. He got tired of it when he was 11, but then it was on to tennis and track. Find out what your kid's interests are early, and try different activities until something sticks.

Try Not to Let Adults' Remarks Bother You

It probably won't be the kids who pick on your only child. It will be the other parents picking on you! I remember talking to one mom about some other mother who was thinking about having another child. Her response was basically, how could this woman even think about not giving her child a brother or sister. I remember the exact words as, "How could she do that to Suzy!" Like this poor kid was destined to grow up in some kind of a mausoleum all by herself with no one to talk to.

I also remember reading once about a young woman telling another young woman to watch out for guys who are only children. "They're really self-absorbed." OK, but have you ever met any single person in their twenties who isn't? That's my point. We're no different from anyone else!