Rambling

there is some kind of turmoil in here
some kind of unease making it hard
to focus
hard to see the way things are

there is some kind of self-doubt
insecurity, "trust issues"
insert your trendiest catch phrases here
chances are, i can relate

if i wrote it all down, made a list of the reasons
to hold on
i'd run out of ink

and if i burned the list on the pyre of my yesterdays
i think it might take half my soul

but still i break down
gather wood, metaphorical
ready to light the first match

i am insane, prepared for this
ready to claim that i
never felt anything
never dared let myself want

(i have always been good at disguising the things
that i want
as things that i merely accept)

i can't lose, but god
i can't win.