Random Thoughts from an Angry American

I'm normally very mild-mannered, but every once in a while I get tired of stupid people and I have to let it out. Here are some random thoughts on various individuals and issues that dominate our screwed up culture.

Most of the people who didn't want President Obama putting their children into a zombie-like trance and telling them to do evil things like work hard and achieve because it was "indoctrination" are the same ones who passionately demand that kids recite The Pledge of Allegiance in school with the words "One Nation Under God" intact. Do these idiots understand what the word indoctrination means?

Idea for a new reality show: Jon & Kate Plus a Bullet to Each of Their Empty Heads. Now that's the kind of reality I could get into!

So let me see if I have this straight. You can decide to bomb and invade a country and kill thousands of people with little debate and resistance, but attempting to guarantee health care for every citizen brings comparisons to Hitler. Yep, Americans are really, really stupid.

I have another idea for a new reality show. It's called Here's Your Goddamn Reality Show, You Pains-in-the-Ass! We put Richard and Mayumi Heene in one of their homemade air balloons, let it loose, and then shoot the thing down with a bazooka. Just in case either of them survives the fall, we run over their broken bodies with a tank. That should put an end to their obsessive need for attention.

I'm always amused by the reactions of the two sexes when a guy like David Letterman gets caught engaging in extracurricular sexual activities. Women are appalled by the cheating bastard's actions while their "faithful" partners just silently sit there thinking that they'd probably be doing the same damn thing if they were rich and powerful. Remember ladies-the reason your guy is faithful is most likely due to the fact that women tend not to throw themselves at married guys with beer bellies and no money.

It's when I read about the dummies who win millions of dollars in the lottery only to lose it all that I think maybe there should be a minimum IQ requirement to purchase lottery tickets.

I don't know what's less appealing about "teabaggers"-the fact that they are a bunch of "concerned taxpayers" who happened to come out of the woodwork when a black man became president even though we've been overtaxed forever, or that their name is a slang term for the act of a man hanging his scrotum in another person's mouth.

If you think I hate reality TV, my wife says she'd "rather watch mold grow on dog poop than watch that crap." If you've ever watched mold grow on dog poop-which requires a lot of time and patience-you know that that's some serious hatred my dear wife has for reality TV.

The most intelligent talk show on television is by far Charlie Rose on PBS. Interesting guests, hard questions, respectful exchanges, and never an indication as to the host's position on political issues-what a concept! If you actually want to learn something, watch this show, but if you prefer the current trend of idiots yelling misinformation at idiots, stick to the obnoxious, screaming heads on the 24-hour "news" channels.

Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar just had their 18^th kid and I'm wondering if a guy named Jim Bob should even be allowed to procreate. Haven't these people ever heard about oral sex? C'mon, try it. You might like it! And you won't have to think up another stupid name that starts with a "J."

If I hear one more born-again athlete thank his lord and savior because he caught the touchdown pass that won the big game, I'm going to puke all over his Bible. Hey Mr. Christian, ask your lord and savior to use his powers for important things-like telling priests to stop molesting children.

Would somebody please tell Billy Mays he's dead so I don't have to see his annoying ass on my TV any more? That's the whole idea of dying. You're gone. Forever. Please.

The selection of Barack Obama as winner of the Nobel Peace Prize has brought complaints from the usual collection of whiners that ten months as president hardly qualifies a man for such a high honor. Fair enough. But it's these same people who claim the president is a failure because he hasn't brought about the change he had promised during his campaign. So ten months is not enough time to prove a man worthy of the Nobel Prize, but it's plenty of time to fix our ruined economy, end the two wars President John Wayne, Jr. got us mired into, and reform our screwed up health care system.

And why do people give a crap about awards anyway? One look at the turds who win Grammies each year should tell you everything you need to know about the validity of awards.

A moment to smile as I vent: While writing this article, an episode of the classic family show Leave it to Beaver is playing on my TV. In this particular episode, "The Beav" is sick and is kept home from school. When his concerned brother Wally comes home from school he asks, "Hey Mom, how's the Beaver?" I'm amused by the simplest things.

What was the big deal about Rush Limbaugh wanting to own a football team? Seems to me he has the perfect Neanderthal mentality that resides so prominently in the NFL.

In truTV's Rehab: Party at the Hard Rock Hotel, I've finally found a "reality" show I can enjoy-not because it provides quality programming, but because it features a lot of brainless young women in itty-bitty bikinis. Hard as I try to come across as a discriminating, intelligent TV viewer, a bunch of scantily-clad bimbos is really all it takes to hold my interest.

So Sarah Palin's upcoming memoir is called Going Rogue. I didn't realize how accurate that title was until I checked the official definition of rogue. According to Dictionary.com, a rogue is "a dishonest, knavish person; scoundrel." Couldn't have said it better myself.