Rant: My Love-Hate Relationship with Facebook

I have some issues with Facebook. First off, I'm starting to feel a little uncomfortable with all my personal life available for all to see, whenever they feel like it. Not that anyone is really searching for me. But the real issue is that if someone wanted to stalk me via this popular social networking website, they could. It makes me wonder when did Facebook stalking become socially acceptable and why do we encourage it?

Sure, you can google someone and find all sorts of personal information about them on the Internet - address, age, real estate records, old high school sports stats, twitter pages, etc. But with Facebook, we are putting all of our personal information right out there in one spot encouraging people to learn all about us without even the pretense of Internet stalking. We're saying: "Come see everything I'm doing at every moment when I update my status". Do I really care what everyone is doing at every second of the day? Do I really have time to care? I should be busy leading my own life and not worrying about what other people are doing all the time.

I try not to look, but I can't help it. That live feed is staring at me every time I log on. I can immediately see everything that any of my "friends" are doing, right up to the minute. I end up feeling depressed because everyone is clearly posting lots of exciting photos and comments that make it look like their lives are WAY more exciting than mine. I get to see your honeymoon photos from Italy; photos of you posing with celebrities you met on your trip to Vegas; those adorable photos of your kids at Halloween; and photos of that party to which I was clearly not invited. Where are all the photos of you cleaning your house, doing laundry, paying bills, and moping around after work wearing those old sweatpants? Now that's real life.

But of course, no one wants to stalk you being normal. And we all want to put our very best self out into the virtual world. Only photos of us looking fun and attractive. But there are those times when we get tagged in photos that aren't really displaying our best self. For instance, there are those photos of my very underage cousin taking shots at a bar; photos of an old acquaintance making out with her boyfriend; and that notorious photo of a friend's ex-boyfriend passed out after a New Year's party. Images and knowledge about people that I wish I could erase from my mind forever. Is it all too much? Is nothing private anymore?

I have a few hundred (I know those numbers are small in the Facebook world) friends on Facebook, but I only communicate with a small handful of them. Which is ironic - I'm only talking to the people on Facebook that I talk to in my normal, everyday, non-computer life. If I normally just pick up the phone to talk to them, why is it necessary to write to them on Facebook or spy on what they're doing when they aren't hanging out with me?

The worst is getting friend requests from people I went to high school with - I mean, we weren't friends in high school, am I supposed to believe we are now going to be friends and hang out all the time now because we're Facebook friends? What about becoming friends with people I don't even know? Are we going to start hanging out in real life because we made a Facebook connection? Do I just friend them so I can increase my numbers? I know nothing about these people! I would never call up a random stranger just to hang out, what is it about Facebook that encourages this behavior? It all just seems a little fake.

Even the people I do know, I can't seem to get away from. The other day, I received a friend request from my mother and my mother-in-law. I'm still waiting for my Grandma - I know she's on Facebook and I think she'll be finding me any day now. I love these people dearly, but what are we supposed to do on Facebook? Send each other pokes?

My younger sister hides parts of her Facebook page from me because she's afraid I'll tell my parents what I see her doing and saying. As if I sit there and study her page everyday in order to store up ammunition against her. She'll share things with her 900 Facebook friends, most of which she barely knows, that she can't share with me. There's something wrong with that.

I know it's possible that Facebook can bring people together who really want it. I actually know someone who met his wife via Facebook. And it sort makes you look a little less sketchy if you contact that childhood crush via Facebook rather than calling him out of the blue. I've seen pages created to help charities; find missing people; and bring newsworthy events to the attention of the Facebook community. There are groups to join to find people who have common interests. I suppose those things are all great. But let's be honest, that's not why most people are joining and using Facebook.

It's a cure for boredom and an ego boost when you want to see if the prom queen from high school got fat. It's there for you 24/7. Can't sleep? I'm sure there's someone awake on Facebook to chat with. Or you can waste hours of your life looking through your friends' pages. You can pretty much access Facebook from anywhere. Waiting in line at the DMV? No big deal, you've got Facebook mobile. You can update your status right then and there to let all of us know that you are renewing your license and you're PO'ed because the people at the DMV are incompetent. Just in case we care.

Which brings me to that recent story about the groom who updated his Facebook status using his cell phone while he was standing at the altar getting married. Apparently his bride and the officiant who married him thought that was really funny and totally appropriate. Well, I do not. Okay, I get that they were doing it for comedic effect and, sure, it's an interesting story that was shared all over the news. But weren't most of the people who even care about that guy's Facebook status sitting in that church? Was the guy three pews back checking his own cell phone to see the groom's status update in the middle of the wedding? I personally think it's a sad reminder of how people cannot disconnect from virtual life to really step back and enjoy the important moments in their real life. Damn you, technology!

Another issue - I recently found out that several of my co-workers have Facebook pages. I feel a bit conflicted about being their Facebook friends. I'm afraid it's awkward if we aren't friends - like I have something to hide. But I see these people 40+ hours a week at work, is it really necessary that I see them in the virtual world as well? Do I really need to share every detail of my life with people that I'm mostly trying to avoid on the weekend?

I keep hearing this rumor that more and more employers are looking up job applicants on Facebook in order to see if they are hire-worthy. Are we really basing our professional opinions of people on what we see on one webpage? What's the thought process there? Does an employer specifically set up a Facebook page in order to stalk job applicants? Does human resources have a meeting to review the applicant with Facebook evidence: "I saw him having too much fun on his Facebook page, so I'm not certain he'll be a serious and reliable employee." Is that fair?

I'm not blaming Facebook entirely - people are accountable for the information they put out there- but is it right for someone to purposefully search out personal dirt on you? And does what we find on the Internet really paint a true picture of a person and the kind of life they lead?

Take wall comments for example - everyone trying to outdo each other with their whacky wall comments. Whole conversations being posted back and forth on someone's wall. I read them. Other people read them. Those conversations weren't meant for us, but they are right there available for all to see. It's internet eavesdropping! Rumors and gossip fester from these seemingly harmless comments and it's because we put it out there.

Sure you can block your page from people and turn on Facebook security settings to hide certain personal information and photos from your "friends". But if we have to hide it, should we even be putting it out there?

Maybe I'm just a Facebook curmudgeon. The one anti-social person on this social networking site. My husband tells me to delete my page. If I hate Facebook so much, then I shouldn't even be on it. It's true. I have friends who have been able to resist the urge to join Facebook. They have absolutely no desire to connect with old flames or share personal information with people they met one time at a party. I admire that. Those friends go on living their real lives and don't seem to be worse off because they don't have a Facebook page.

I wish I could turn back before I ever became intrigued with Facebook and joined. The problem is now that I know what's there, I feel like I would be missing out on something. I can't turn back. It's just so addicting. I like being about to stalk someone if I really wanted to. Which is why I'm still on Facebook and why my info is still out there for all to see.

So, there it is. I'm a Facebook user who mostly hates Facebook. So, all of you out there potentially stalking me, go for it. And I will do the same to you. But be warned that I will probably ignore your friend request, especially if I don't know you. Maybe even if I do know you. Don't take it personally. I just have to maintain some sort of reality in a virtual world that lets you believe you really do have hundreds of "friends" who care what you're doing at every moment.