Rape Survival from a Non-Medical Point of View

Raped, molested, stalked, sexually abused in any way? Afraid to talk about it? Afraid that you will be judged? Afraid that you will be hurt more, or your loved ones will be hurt? Feel dirty, ashamed, violated, guilty, confused? Experiencing so many different emotions you don't know where one emotion starts and the next begins? Tired of everyone treating you differently? Feel like the rapist, molester, stalker, abuser is controlling your life? Read on.

First and foremost, if you are the victim of any sexual assault, or stalking, it is very important to report the offender to the police as soon as possible. By not reporting the offender, you are making them feel more powerful. Reporting the offender may save another person from becoming a victim too. If they do it once, rest assured, they will do it again and again, until someone stops them.

You are not guilty. You are the victim. As hard as that may be to understand, whatever the circumstances were that led to your assault, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. I do not care if you were drunk, flirting, whatever, once you said the word, "NO" the offender should have left you alone. You could not control what the offender did to you; you can only control how you react to it once it has happened.

Of course, the last thing you really want to do is talk about what happened. You probably re-live the whole ordeal over and over in your mind as it is, and the last thing you really want to do is to say it out loud. Saying it out loud is admitting what happened, and the first step in coping with it.

Nobody wants to be judged for something that has happened to them. Victims of rape, molestation, stalking, or sexual abuse are often afraid that people will judge them and label them because of what happened. No one knows exactly what happened except for you. There will always be some cold-hearted person who judges you, labels you, or even makes fun of you. You have been through the worst of it when you were attacked, remember that when these ignorant people open their mouths.

If you are afraid that the offender will hurt you again or hurt your family if you talk, remember this.. By not talking, you are allowing them to hurt all of you, silently. Once you talk, they lose control of you. Your family will help to be sure you are protected. The offender cannot hurt someone if they are behind bars or if everyone is aware of the danger and is prepared.

Yes, you feel dirty, ashamed, violated, that is normal. You have been violated in the most intimate of ways. Something that is sacred and special to every human being has been taken from you. Remembering that it is not your fault and sharing your story to help others will help you get through those feelings.

People, whether you like it or not, are going to treat you a little differently, at least for a while. They are afraid of making things worse for you. Well intentioned, but they do not realize that they are doing more harm than good by treating you differently.

Any victim, of any sexual assault has a hard time dealing with what has happened to them. They have to face that their lives have been changed forever. Some of these victims go on through life, seeming to have completely gotten over the incident. The after-effects may not emerge until they begin to try to find love. They may then find that they cannot hold a relationship due to what they went through years ago. Others go through life having multiple sexual partners because they never feel as if they are good enough to have one special person love them because of the ordeal they went through earlier in life. Some victims go on, find that one special person, and then find that they really have problems in the sexual aspect of their relationship. These people are afraid to open up to their partners because of what they went through. There are some that get through it all and have no effects of it later in life. No one knows how a rape victim will act in the future, years after the initial incident.

One thing that is known that by not telling anyone what happened, the victim continues to feel powerless. Telling someone can save many other people from experiencing the same horror, as well as begin the process of healing. You may not control what the offender did to you, but you can control how you react to it. You can choose to stand up and talk about it, grow from it and heal, or you can choose to keep it inside, re-living the horror every day and allow it to effect every aspect of your life for the rest of your life. Doing the last option does nothing but allow the offender to control you long after they have moved on to someone or something else. Rest assured, the offender is not suffering as you are unless you talk about it and report it to the authorities.

To all of you who are victims, I leave you with these words of advice. No matter how horrible the situation is or was, you have the ability to gain control of your life again by opening up. As hard as it is to talk about it at first, it does get easier with time, and each time you talk about it, the offender losses more of the control they have over you. Gain control of your life, speak up, speak out, speak loudly, let these offenders know that even though they did something horrible to you, you are strong and you will not let them control you.