Ravenous Lizard Discovered Responsible for the Consumption of Human Minds!!

A lizard has been found to be responsible for the sudden rash ravaging rampant devastation of human brains. Much of this has been reported across the entire continent of America, with the United States appearing to be highly susceptible to its influence. It is not all in yet, but the news is coming fast and I will type as the story unravels right here before me on the AP screen to my right. A leader has been discovered and it appears he is likely to be a chief responsible party involved in the villainous consumption of many good and truly innocent minds and turning otherwise near harmless liberals into libzards.

He was found in a corner of a slightly darkened room with some scattered porno and various affiliated paraphernalia often associated with such as that. It is being said that he is a fat man...no wait, an obese man...further clarification is coming..., he is a morbidly obese man and it is being observed he has no spoon. What in the world does that mean? Yes, that is what it says! He has dispensed with the spoon! Perhaps this is...yes. This is the rest. He is eating steamy macaroni and cheese directly from a huge crystal celebrational punch bowl. His head is being reported as being submerged in it. He eats as if frantic, slinging bits here and there as he chews as gulps! I can see him myself now as the cameras bring him into view.

Yes I can see, it is nothing less than a frenetic orgy of obsessive consumption and it looks as if he's fearful that his punch bowl full of macaroni and cheese will be taken, he jerks from left to right as he is approached, grunting, snarling, and defending himself as he protects his bowl of sticky macaroni and cheese. Wait, he is insisting now that his proceeds are in from his recent film and he wants all to be aware that he feasts now upon the delicacy of "Kraft Macaroni & Cheese", no, wait, there is more... he wishes for more definition, he wants it called "Kraft Cheese & Macaroni", and is claiming it is better than anything the Sauds have ever eaten but he does like hummus too, as long as "the baby bushy" is not there. He appears terrified of something called "the baby bushy" His words, folks, not mine. I have no idea what he might mean, but it is clear he is paranoidically fearful of something he refers to as "the baby bushy".

More in his words, folks, "No more generic store brand macaroni and cheese for me", he is triumphantly proclaiming in between bouts of laying seige to face fulls of the cheesy, noodly slop pool no he gorges upon even as I write!!

The screen shows me that he is now being lead from the room by agents of the formerly threatened, the Stand For Freedom Agency or "STAFFA" as it is known. Once accused of being mad with power and money, and reviled by the brain eaten victims of the lizard and his libzard commanders. They have now been found to be the true purveyors of freedom for men and women upon the planet and especially here at home.

The now known for what they are "LIBZARDS", a anachronym compiled from "liberals victimized by the lizard" are being rounded up and it appears here that the discovery of the original lizard that began it's riegn of terror by eating the brains of the innocent had help from sympathetic "Libzard Commanders". The one being shown here was reportedly sent here as an enemy proselytizer and sympathizer along with, I am being told, many others. This one, still shown cowering guardedly over his crystal punch bowl of maca...sorry, for all you politically correct out there, "Kraft Cheese and Macaroni", slurping and sucking madly upon the contents in a relentless pursuit to satisfy a clearly gluttenous lust. He is being handled with an almost unseemly gentleness and compassion by his former victims, the US Patriots, STAFFA. He does seem very concerned over the top of his head. He continues to tap briskly upon his head eyeing the STAFFA as if those attending to him should know what he means. There, a STAFFA member has found something that clearly interests him. He bobs his head wildly. What is that? Oh, it appears to be a mere baseball cap. This former Libzard Commanderit reflects almost childish impishness and serene approval now as it is placed upon his head. This seemed to pacify him, as his left hand is back inside his robe now and he seems to be using it on his backside. There is indeed a vigorous activity evident back there. Perhaps a reaction to some of the things strewn about that room? One can only wonder.

Those STAFFA men and women are indeed a proud lot and show no vengefulness for their deceased comrades being referred to by this former Libzard Commander and his accomplices as having died for nothing. Professionals such as this warm the heart and mind of this observer. Compassion for even the commanders of the libzard movement, it is compelling to say the least.

That must be terrible hard on the sensitive skin in there. He is very aggressively working out some disturbance there inside that robe on his back side. Medical personnel are inquiring but the STAFFA security specialists are shaking their heads, no. I seem to see the lips move, and it appears he is saying "let him dig, he is accustomed to digging in places that make 'him' feel good and he won't find any truth there either, and if he does, it will only be his own." Wise agent, very wise agent indeed.

The man seems to be growing with each swallow of steaming Kraft Cheese & Macaroni he gulps down. One cannot help but pity him. His hat bobs about ridiculously while he gorges and there is food residue all over the bill of the cap. He consumes from his huge punch bowl as a ravenous dog. The bowl, held upon his tremendously stretched and deformed belly by his encircling right arm. The sounds are startlingly similar too. I am curious, his name, what is this jellowy man's name? I wish that the name would be audible... but it is being obscured as they attempt to speak it into the microphone by a sniffling sound, perhaps a snorkeling or gurgling sound? Maybe it is air being passed... I cannot be sure with all the raucous.

It is finally becoming audible... Mikkel. It seems I heard Mikkel. I am sure that is what I heard them say. Wait, it seems there might be another name, yes. Yes there is. It is sounding like more, more. Oh, he just wants more Kraft Cheese and Macaroni. That's it. He is Mikkel, more Kraft Cheese and Macaroni. That's so sad. He clearly squandered a huge fortune on his addiction to macaroni and cheese judging from the immense size of him. In sheer proportions alone he would be a terrifying character, even if he had not contributed to the demise of so many good minds. His toilet paper bill alone must be daunting!. Judging from what I see of the activity of his left hand inside that robe, I almost wonder if he may have dispensed with that formality.

They are now loading him into a large truck with a forklift. He is a mere specimen of a former man, better likened, I suppose to a large roll of jelly. He's reduced himself, sadly, to little more than a swallowing biological mass. He does sniff his own armpits too...yes, he is sniffing his armpits right now as he has several times, that was in fact the only time he took his head from his punch bowl of Kraft Cheese & Macaroni. There is dried cheese dust residue in his hair and on his fore head as well as more moist of the same all about his cheeks. Living in sick deviations of reality does odd things to people, clear to see in this spectacle, and he's clearly not washed in days, maybe weeks. That might explain the left hand so frantically active inside the rear of his grimy scarlet robe.

It's amazing how they just allowed Mikkel more Kraft Cheese and Macaroni to keep what may well be his last actual indulgement of his passion, which has been said to be jelly rolls too, but none are evidenced here. Perhaps his supply was used up following his going into hiding after the discovery and incarceration of the lizard. He has clearly descended into osession with this cheese and macaroni. The kindness of the STAFFA he formerly aided in villain-izing is ground breaking! We can indeed be proud of our sons and daughters in uniform who now protect us from the ravages of the libzard commanders and the evil brain sucking Lizard as they generously treat this enemy sympathizer with dignity and respect. Following the fall of the sand maddened Islamic terrorists these libzard commanders were the worst thing left on earth to contend with. They aided the terrorists in their efforts but now fall one by one as they are hunted and delivered to be taught once agian to think as if they are part of mankind rather than a elite special chosen people, which is what the Lizard convinced them they were.

Now that the original Lizard that began the infestation is in captivity there will be many more like this one coming to the reckoning at which the ultimate exposure will prove to be the undoing of all the libzard commanders. That will likely leave the hoards of their minions free to think once again for themselves and it is hoped those victims will simply re-join the human race and know truth again and once again become proud patriots. That remains to be determined, but that is what is hoped for as the Libzard Commanders are rounded up and their sphere of influence is reduced and revealed for what it is, falseness masquerading shamelessly in the color of truth.

It is coming thru just now...please be patient... it seems that the "lizard" is in fact known as, no, wait, wishes to be known as the "Grand Poopa Lizard". No pictures of him, or it yet. I am still only seeing typed print on the bottom of the screen and images of the STAFFA US Patriots in...ohhh my god! Could it be!? No! Unbelievable, they are near the ocean, I am almost sure it is, yes it is it is Kennepunkport Maine, and It Is none other than Tebby Kunniddy! Oh, my god! Who would have thought? I cannot actually see him yet, I just recognize the scene, and he has been named in type. I cannot believe this is so! They are pulling a car from the water, it appears that he has tried to run himself into the ocean and perhaps, well, from the looks of it he actually escaped the deluged vehicle! Yes, there, that must be him! He is surrounded by agents who are attempting to, let me see, it appears he is surrounded by medical assisting specialists from the US Marines branch of Staffa. They are struggling with him. He has a bottle. He is screaming. Oh, what a scene, folks! This is one for the record books. He looks just exactly like a single huge swollen woman's breast! His head being the nipple and his extremities consumed by and swallowed within his huge rolls of fatty blubbery tissue. So demeaning, it embarrasses me to report this degrading site. I am so torn to see this formerly just bumbling kind of "fat cousin" foolish man in such a degrading and paranoid delusional state! The sphere of influence of the Libzard Commanders seems to be wide indeed! He is having a very hard time with all of this as the Navy Corpsman wrestles the bottle from his hands. I do not want to say this but it is so sad to see those two tiny little fat arms sticking out of all that fat attempting to wrest his bottle of Cutty Sark Scottish Whisky from the Navy Corpsman who valiantly defends the life of this...what in the world are they doing there? No word has come thru on that yet! How could this be? Yes, it does appear it...

Is it possible that this is connected to the apprehension of Mikkel more Kraft Cheese and Macaroni? I wonder now if it could be? Is there some chance that Tebby Kunnidy is somehow involved in the efforts by the Grand Poopa Lizard to exploit and profiteer over the American people with innuendo and the pumping of falsehoods into the ears of people repeatedly until they were no longer able to see or decipher truth?

Could he possibly possess the capability to devise or otherwise be an instrument in such a scheme? Perhaps he became involved so that he could enjoy his notions of power and control like his brothers before him who he so wished to be like? I do not know, but, it is a viable question. Let's see how this at the seaside turns out as I watch more and type to you as it comes off the screen to my right.

It seems that Tebby Kunnidy is in fact a swollen breast. He is actually saying so himself! I am hearing him scream loudly that he needs his cousin because he is a fumbling bumbling booby who can't even master the art of a screwdriver without aid and assistance from his cousin! My God, the things that are coming from that little nipple sticking up from...oh, my! Did I say that? I mean the things that are coming from his head...oh, you get it I am sure. From the mouth of him, such revelations now that I can nary dare to repeat them to people! Tebby Kunnidy is claiming that he should have done something for the poor girl in his car, but he could not find his cousin to help and he could not really do a thing because to help her he would "have to have been more than just a bumbling physically inept fear driven cowardly fool!!"... ,oh, from his own mouth! How this could be? This reporter knows nothing of such...could it be Catchaquickdick to which he refers...? I cannot say for certain... he continues to mumble absurd sounding things that run like confessions. He continues to call himself a bumbling inept fool and I've heard him say he had trouble mastering the simple act of pulling a wagon when a child...could it be? He wishes he could be good at something other than manipulating and infecting people's thinking but he is not and he feels so evil and is repeatedly referring to himself now as a "booby" and "a big fat booby". "Aww, don't be so hard on yourself, Tebby.", the attending STAFFA are saying to reassure him and provide him some comfort in this his most painful hour, I am sure. He is asking if there is anyway he will be allowed to continue to basque in the former glory earned by others...I have never heard such a sad thing before in my life. Trapped inside that massive breast flesh is surely one of the saddest bitterest beings I have ever witnessed. The STAFFA are being wonderful to Tebby and this is a warming vision indeed as they assure him his needs will be cared for.

It is becoming clearer now that we are seeing an arrest of a Libzard Commander. That is now apparent. The STAFFA are calling for the forklift and it is the same type of truck, perhaps even the same one. Yes, it is the same one. The door is opening and I can hear the slurping from the punch bowl coming from inside, and, the baseball hat has rolled out. The STAFFA are tossing it back in, bless her heart! I would say it is safe to say that it is the same truck that houses Mikkel more Kraft Cheese and Macaroni. Now he will be less lonely as the STAFFA lift Tebby Kunnidy aboard and softly roll him off the forks into the truck. He is still screaming for his cousin to come and help him. So odd, the way he looks so much like a breast. I can't get over it. He must be deluged in shame to be like that. I have never seen just one all alone by itself before, and man-sized at that, that does make one think, if the actual article actually looked like this, would they have ever caught on? I am forced to wonder, I do bet he knows what a sack full of Whopper sandwiches feels like, inside him and in the sack.

The door is closing on the sound of slurping and sucking, presumably from the bowl, and sure as the sun shines in Southern California, it is singing I hear from the truck! I hear singing! Since Mikkel more kraft cheese and macaroni is surely face down in his bowl, it must be Tebby! He is singing a song! Oh My Papa! He is singing 'Oh My Papa'. He sounds just like Jim Nabors as Gomer Pyle USMC!! Amazing, the talent, perhaps he should have been a performer. Terrifying to think, he could have infected many brains that way, maybe we should be counting our blessings for the wasteland he made only of American liberals and politics.

The screen is changing now. There is a tall skinny... man? Yes, it is a man. He is running, he does not sound like a man. He sounds like a woman. I am sure it is a man though. He is running and flailing his arms wildly and I cannot hear what he is saying. It is a mad rant, and I am sure that he is screaming at the top of his lungs! And there it is, it is the STAFFA truck again, it is passing the assailant now and stopping in front of him! Oh, my god, what a day! This has to be the greatest day in all of history. The Libzard Commanders are going down, finally, one at a time! A day to rejoice in, indeed, as we watch the healing of not only tender, soft, delicate liberal victims, but all nations and peoples decieved by the Lizard and its Commanders!

They are being rounded up and will now be held accountable for their aid and assistance to the enemy in order to further their personal politico, economic goals! It is refreshing indeed. I cannot make out who this assailant is only that he is horribly afraid and while screaming madly he surely does understand fear, but does not clearly understand the larger picture of what is happening. He is dazed and confused. He is being overtaken now by the STAFFA Personnel. They are containing him. They have now all caught up to him. Wily bugger, this one, he does not like to be handled or lead. That is for sure. He is hollering out what appears to be his own name like a rich old lady at the supermarket forced to wait in line behind others in front of her. He is screaming so shrill and loud that I cannot make it out. Oh, I do so wish you could see this! He is telling his captors how many appointments he has to keep and he is claiming to be very educated and that his captors could not make it in school even if they had a tutor like he did. It is a disgrace! An absolute disgrace! I wish they would turn him around so that I could get a glimpse of him so I might ascertain who he in fact is. He wiggles a lot. All I can see is his back. He's a runner, that's for sure! I have never seen anything like it! He is refusing to submit. It seems he is living out some old trauma. Yes! That is it. He is starting to cry now. He is quickly descending to weighty shoulder rolling sobbing. He is dripping tears like a schoolgirl and screaming about the atrocities he now claims he never really committed but every body else did. He is screaming for Tebby. "OH, Tebby, I loved you!" he is bellering pleadingly. It is so sad. Nearly more than this reporter can bear. He is claiming to not know his own name. I cannot imagine that, since he was heard saying it. He is a flippy floppy little weirdo, this one, but so be it. He says he wants a house judicial hearing so that he can tell the truth and claims in between sobs that the whole thing was Tebby's idea. His knees are whacking together like Ringo Starr banging his drumsticks on cymbals and snaredrums.

Oh my god! That is the first sign of STAFFA allowing one of these prisoners to shamelessly humiliate themselves!!They just let go and allowed him to crash into a quaking, clattering, crying heap on the side of the road. A female STAFFA member is pointing at his quaking heap and another is photographing her. I must admit, they are smiling. They are now asking him if he would please get up off his face and walk like a man. He is screaming for Tebby. His knees are sure to break at this rate and frequency of banging together. I wish I could get a good look at who he is. I did hear him call out his name, but it was so shrill it hurt my ears.

Wait now, STAFFA is picking him up again and they have turned him towards the camera. I can't make out his face. He is sobbing too much which results in severe facial distortion, and his banging knees are making him vibrate like Pavarotti's vocal chords. In addition to that his face is hanging down to low to identify it. His long face must be hard to hold up. There appears to be a sticky note on his back. I wonder what that is. It is rather large. Oh, great! The camera is zooming in. I will see it in just a second.

It is a sticky note. It has words on it. It says, "I am really into pickles and I am a woman. You do not want me. My husband went thatta way." Then there is an arrow pointing off to the left...imagine that. Oddly enough, for such a well dressed man you would not expect to see something like that, especially so considering it is so obviously done in crayon.

The truck opened and as they carried this particular libzard offender to the opening I heard loud and clear that he wanted to have a judicial hearing at which he would tell the truth. That was not so unique in itself, but he announced through a chorus of tears that it was not his idea and that Tebby made him do it. He audibly said and I am sure that I heard this, "I have not had an actual idea of my own since my last judicial hearing!", still he feigned the voice of a woman. As the door went down I heard loud melodious singing of "Oh My Papa", slurping, and what sounded like, "I really am a woman who likes pickles, and Tebby knows it because he told me so!"

As the truck from STAFFA went around the corner, it disappeared from the screen. I am now back to a rather mundane and ordinary screen full of news about Hollywood, and underpants and who wears them and who does not. It seems that Ed Asner has now declared himself panties free along with George Clooney and Sean Penn. Mr Penn overheard saying that "...if it's good enough for Paris, it is certainly good enough for me. I'd sock the bitch if I could, but she won't stand still long enough for me to get hold of her." Damn the brown streaks in the jeans boys!! You go! And it is told that Richard Dreyfuss is trying to sell his stock from 'Panties R Us' for pennies on the dollar. Heads will roll on this!

And now there is news from Michigan. There is an ongoing legal battle between an embittered populace that claims it was duped into voting for what can only be compared to a female Orangutang who ran as an encumbent Governor with a track record of nothing... that's right, folks... she did nothing... against a skilled and learned tried and true successful businessman and community leader. It is said that she won only because of the Libzard `brain attack that caused people to actually think that voting for a proven idiot was OK and fashionable, and claim it was especially so since she was, and I quote, "nice".

Billary Flinton, the defendant's legal counsel in the Michigan case says it is all a matter of how the people of Michigan and herself included were duped into sleeping with the actual counsel's Husband, Hill, and thereby could not have been subject to the Libzard brain eating scheme because they were all having sex but not really while the alleged libzard scandal was being perpetrated. Therefore, the defendant should be ..."allowed to carry on doing nothing for the sheople", ...she corrected her self there and continued saying, "people of Michigan because Hill is my manboy and if there is stains on my dress it's because I was passed out..." The legal mind will forever perplex this observer...

Hill, it says, could not be reached for comment as he was in "Jamaica, Maan". His publicist claimed he was giving lessons on stoning without inhaling. Outside sources claimed he was in North Korea trying to sell some really cool nuclear "widgets" to the remaining communist countries so they could make some "Far out 'sploden stuff." Still another source tells us here that he was trying to get with OJ Simpson on how to get a tell all book "wrote" without "gittin' caught". This reporter knows what else he might have been chattin' with good ole OJ about, afterall, just last month he was seen trying to give Chick Deney twenty bucks to take Billary hunting...this observer will refrain from comment and leave you to figure that one out.

I'll be back tomorrow with more from the firey land of the inflamed truth when we learn who the Grand Poopa Lizard really is.