Real Life Army Wife

I've been a single mom and now I am an Army wife. In my opinion there is not a real difference. In both positions, they were lonely jobs. As a single mom, you work so hard at putting a roof over your children's heads and food on the table. You hope to keep some sanity and keeping some stability for your children at the same time. It's not easy. You rarely find someone trustworthy whom you can lean on for support. When you date you have to consider the effect of bringing someone new into your family's life. You ask yourself, "Are they going to hurt you or your children or one day get tired of being responsible and leave?" I didn't only work but I pursued my college education. I worked two jobs, took a college class (which was in another city), and cared for my two boys for the little amount of time I saw them each day.

I was lucky because after awhile I was able to support my family off one income. I was working at a bar which still meant long hours. I still didn't get to spend much time with them and it soon showed. Before long, I was addressing anger issues with my 4 year old and mischievous toddler behavior from my eighteen month old. I decided to quit school for awhile because I felt it took away from precious time I was missing with my children. I felt like crying all the time but I didn't. I had to be strong. My children needed me and I had to provide that for them.

One day, I finally met a man who understood what I was going through. He was in the Army and a single dad of a baby boy. Being in the military and stationed in another state he was only able to see his son and I on the weekends. We dated for about five months while he was finishing his term in the military. Afterwards, he moved in with me and my children. Two years later, we made the choice for him to re-enlist and for us to get married.

It's almost been a year now since he re-enlisted and we are living the military life. We have my two sons full-time and his son half the year. It is easier now, being married to be able to spend time with your children. It felt like make-up time at first for all the time that I missed before.

The military helps with the stability of providing your family with an acceptable home environment. We now have health and dental insurance. We are able to have dinners together every night and both parents to help with homework. A routine has been established and the children are adjusting accordingly. They are happier than they have ever been and for that I am grateful.

Still, even when all is well and the children are happy. It is hard as an Army wife just as it was as a single mom. There are still a large amount of responsibilities, they are just different now. As a wife of a soldier, you are expected to help your husband progress in his career, such as helping him study, getting his dry cleaning done, and holding down the home. There is no schedule with the military. They can make them come to work when they want and they can make them come home when the want. They can make them leave somewhere completely different at a drop off a hat and tell your family that you can't go. As an Army wife, you don't know what to expect. You can't plan for the future; you can't even plan for the coming year.

It's also lonely as an Army wife because you are moved to a new state away from your family and your previously established friendships. It's not like any other move either. You move to a military community where people differ in many ways. For the first time in your life, you deal with the variations of religion. Families who are of a different religion don't want to associate themselves with people outside of their own. They even involve the kids. If you don't belong to their religion then your children can't play with their children. Trying to explain that to your children without being judgmental and rude is difficult. The military community has many segregation rules. For instance, your housing is determined by your husbands rank. There are rules about who your husband can associate with. It's difficult if you are placed in the wrong ranking neighborhood. This causes conflict if you meet a wife and her husband ranks lower than yours. Your husband can't come over and visit with her husband.

Everyday, I see these other moms. They are in the same situation as me but they don't acknowledge the challenges. I see them at the bus stop and at the schools. They say hi and then hurry home to attend to their own created world inside their military homes. They are happy staying home with their babies and toddlers, which they should be. But that is all they want in life. Many wives whom I have talked to couldn't imagine working or going to college.

My children are all school-age now and I am home alone all day. I am bored and want to do more for myself but find it complicated. The military provides programs for moms of infants and toddlers but none for moms of school-age children. If I work then I have to find a job that would understand the military life. An employer that will allow me to take days off because they sent my husband somewhere and I am back to being a single parent. I would need hours that worked around the school year and school hours. I would need a job that would understand that I have to leave three times a year to pick up my step-son in another state because the military won't allow my husband to take time to go.

Going to school is great because I love to take classes. I have ten years of community college classes and running out of choices to continue taking new classes. I can't attend a university at this point because by the time I was accepted we will be moving again. I have to wait another year before I can attempt to finish my degree.

Life as a mom is never easy. It just gets harder when you're a single mom or an Army wife. I love my family and I love my life and would never consider changing it. As time continues as an Army wife, I will find new challenges and learn to solve the already established issues. For every mom in this world, I feel the utmost respect. I just feel so much more for single moms and military wives.