Real Self Confidence

It is a common occurrence in life that people doubt themselves. It is even more common that other people doubt others.

While the latter is ultimately out of one's control, the former is more easily addressed. The latter requires that one inspire confidence in others; the former merely requires that one have confidence in one's self.

Self confidence is a common word. It usually denotes one who believes that one can achieve what one sets out do. However, a closer look at the word - self confidence - implies a relationship with oneself, an ability to confide with oneself. There is nothing about the word that involves the external world.

The common focus on self confidence is how one deals with others. It is described as the way one walks, and how one is perceived by others. This is missing the point of self confidence.

To be self confident is to have a good relationship with yourself. Like all good relationships, it does not depend on the approval of others. Self confidence allows you to tell yourself certain things, and these things will be well received because your conscious self, and the more or less subconscious self trust each other.

It is a common cliché that one who is not comfortable with oneself or the actions that one has done in the past cannot look at himself in the mirror. This is a telling implication of the importance of being able to have a good relationship with the self.

A good relationship between the conscious and the subconscious is not so different from any good relationship between two people. They are able to confide with one another about things that require trust. They are able to have fun with each other and are able to help each other out, an example of which is pointing out each other's faults and how these faults can be addressed.

The outward manifestations of self confidence is secondary to self confidence itself. The confident walk, the confident talk, the confident way of acting - this is only a side effect of having a good, comfortable relationship with the self. Like two good friends, there is no awkwardness between the conscious and the unconscious self, and it shows.

The ability to confide, to trust and to be comfortable with the self is the cornerstone of self confidence. After all, how can one expect to relate confidently to the external world when one cannot confide comfortably with the self?