Realistic Expectations for the Gifted Child

Samantha-Is She Gifted in All Areas?

Samantha listened carefully as Mr. Crevier presented the word problem in math. Math was not Sam's best subject, but she was sure she knew the answer to the problem this time, so she excitedly raised her hand. Mr. Crevier's eyes searched around the room and finally stopped when he saw Samantha's enthusiasm.

"Samantha," he called out. "What is the answer?"

Proudly, Sam answered "Twenty-four."

"No, I'm sorry, that's not the right answer, Samantha. Does anyone else know?"

Later, Mr. Crevier was talking to the school psychologist. "I just don't understand how Samantha can be considered gifted. Sometimes I think she has no concept of what's going on in math. Her parents are constantly telling me she needs to be challenged more. They say she has been tested privately and is considered gifted, that she reads all the time, and has lots of interesting projects going on at home, but in class she can't handle the basic concepts in math."

Justin-What's Important?

Justin's parents were very frustrated with him. They felt he had such ability. They knew he was perfectly capable of getting straight A's if he only applied himself. Getting him to do homework was "like pulling teeth." All he wanted to do lately was work on his sports card collection, or spend time playing with his friends. At home it was a constant battle getting him to focus his energy on the things that were important.

Tina-Always Has to Be the Best

For Tina, school had always been a snap. She was organized, did very neat work and always went beyond what was necessary. She received lots of positive reinforcement from her parents, her teachers and her peers. Tina loved all this attention. People expected a lot from her and she delivered. This year, however, there was a problem. There was a new boy in class. Shea moved into the neighborhood over the summer. He was an exceptional student whose talents exceeded those of Tina. Suddenly there was competition. Tina was not getting all of the attention. In fact, her work looked very ordinary compared to Shea's. No one tried to make Tina feel badly about this, but she had her own expectations of being the best. This year she did not feel very good about herself.

Realistic Expectations for the Gifted Child

Being "labeled" as gifted can be a mixed bag. The intent of identifying children as gifted/talented is to help teachers and parents be aware of certain academic and affective needs each child might have. One of the negative aspects of labeling kids is that sometimes unrealistic expectations are placed upon them. When we identify children (either formally or informally) as able learners, we must be careful to specify their strength areas. We cannot assume that because they are bright in one domain that they are exceptionally intelligent in all areas. In fact, a child may have extraordinary capabilities in one area and be below average in another.

Children may also place unrealistic expectations on themselves. Parents and teachers often comment that they don't understand where these unrealistic expectations come from as the adults are not pushing the child in any way. Sometimes we don't know the origins of these self imposed demands, but for bright kids they do exist. Always having to be the best can have devastating effects on one's self-esteem. Unrealistic expectations may lead to negative perfectionistic tendencies rather than a striving for excellence.

Parental Expectations

There is a fine line between challenging a child and expecting too much. We tend to lump gifted kids together in one homogeneous group in our minds, when they actually form a very heterogeneous group. Some have strengths in one area and some have strengths in other areas. Able learners are not all highly motivated or creative. They have different personalities and learning styles. Because of these differences, we cannot have the same expectations for all bright children.

As parents we are very proud of our children, as we should be. Each member of the family is an individual and must be treated as such. Your child may not do things the same way as you do. She may not be as organized or as conscientious as you are. We can guide our children, but we cannot expect them to have the exact same style that we have. You may want your child to read when your child would prefer to work on his collection. Children need structure, but they need to be able to make choices within that structure.

Don't expect your children to be gifted all the time. Allow plenty of time for play, day-dreaming, and relaxation. Encourage them to act like the children they really are. They are not immature adults. They have strengths and weaknesses that need to be understood and respected.

Some children are devastated when they do not receive the highest marks and/or compliments for the work they do. Don't add to the self-imposed pressure of these children by expecting top performance all the time.

Home needs to be a place where children are accepted for who they are, not who they're supposed to be.

Be careful not to over-program your child, enrolling him in numerous creative and sports activities. Make certain that when your child is heavily scheduled that it is her agenda, not yours.