Reality Check: How Safe Are Our Children?

It's 2008 and we continue to see news stories about children being sexually abused, raped, kidnapped, and murdered by pedophiles. Reality checks indicate some parents still lack the ability or are not as astute in safely protecting children from these creeps.

Reality check: there should never be another case (or dramatically reduced incidences) involving online predators and young children since it is widely known to occur. Teach and drill your child with cyber security information. Any parent who has a child on the computer is responsible for whatever happens to their child.

When a teenager walks out of their parent's house pretending to go to a friend's house only to meet an online predator, the parent is still responsible for the child's well-being.

I pride myself as an astute observer of how parents and their children interact with each other in different instances. The role of child advocacy is more difficult these days. Parents are not as receptive to advice even if the child is in danger.

I cringe when I see parents with the child tagging far behind or ahead or when children are in a different aisle in the store. I was in an emergency room when a mother returned to the waiting room leaving her child a few feet behind at the entrance. She never looked back! I yelled that she was leaving her child behind. She returned to retrieve the child only to blame her for not staying at her side. She seemed put out because I called her and did not thank me.

I observed a parent at an open laundry sitting in her van gossiping loudly with a friend while her 3-year-old daughter wandered. The child played in puddles of water and approached several people. I noticed others seem worried that the mother could not see the child and was unaware of the child's location from the van.

The child wandered off into the side road while trying to pick flowers. Several of us informed the mother, she took the child and spanked her hard, admonishing her then threw her in the van as if the child knew the danger of its actions. We were appalled as we glanced at each other but did not interfere with her parenting style as long as the child was safe.

I wish we could test these parents by briefly seizing or hiding the child then point out how the parent did not safely protect the child. Some parents act on the belief that "it can't happen to us, it hasn't so far". Why gamble with the life of your children. Reality checks can help remind parents of the dangerousness of this practice.

While in the fifth grade (40 years ago), I had a young male teacher named Mr. Moses. It seemed that at the start of each class, he chose one or two girls to enter the cloakroom. This room was designed in a way that it was not visible to the class.

I later learned he made them pull down their pants or raise their dress on the pretense of "spanking" them for some bogus reason. I did not observe this first hand and I doubt he was ever reported.

Once as I entered the room, Mr. Moses tugged on my ponytail, impulsively I turned and punched him in the belly. I was suspended for 10 days, which was the end of 5^th grade so I did not have to look at him again.

When I was about 18 years old, a little girl approached my sister and me. I noticed she constantly pulled her underwear out of her buttocks, I decided to ask her why. She informed us that her father's army friend liked to bounce her up and down on his penis (in other words). She was only 4 years old. We contacted her mom immediately and she handled it from that point.

When my child was 6 years old, he disappeared while out playing. Based on my rules, my children are to be in my sight while out playing, when I look out the window, I expected to see them. When I called their name, they should have heard me. I searched and called for him as I walked down the road.

He emerged from a neighbor's house stating he was playing a video game. Not only did I admonish him but also I informed the neighbor not to ask my son into his house again for any reason.

I did this with my son present to teach him that although I casually knew the neighbor, he was still considered a stranger to my child; it was no reason for him to enter his home. I could only have two children so I was impelled to protect them at all cost. Some called it overprotecting and I say I don't give a damn what others thought when it's about my kids.

My sons are now 21 and 30 years old, I was responsible for them safely reaching these ages. I held their hands while walking in public until they were about 10 years old. We had passwords, "bananas" and "strawberries" if anyone claimed I asked to pick them up from school or anywhere else. That person must know the password or leave my child alone.

I stopped speaking to my sister-in-law for 2 years because while she babysat she allowed my youngest son (aged 8) to slip out of her yard. She did not know what time he disappeared. I found him blocks away at the mall. She did not acknowledge my concern so my words were very harsh, I didn't bite my tongue.

One time, we were outside barbequing when I noticed an older intoxicated man playing with the children and their water gun. I went over and noticed he was spraying the girl's breast. I told him to either get over where the adults were or leave, even though I did not live there.

The other adults thought I was overreacting, as usual, so I pointed to my child and explained what would happen if intoxicated man bothered him. Next, I observed the man following the children through a path to a small pond. This is when people believed me and reacted. This man suddenly disappeared when he found there would be no victim at this house.

My sons are child advocates now. They always heard my comments and observation of parents' interaction with their children. As my 21-year-old son and I pulled into Kmart parking lot, we heard a child scream. It sounded to us like "help!" We saw the man accompanying her jerk her back toward him, holding her hand.

She appeared to be a 10-year's old handicapped, mentally and developmentally retarded child. She could not walk well. He pulled her into the store, but only walked at the ends of register lines. It appeared as if he was looking for somewhere to "dump" the child.

The child was unkempt with white material on her mouth and cheeks. We followed this man in the store until he was aware someone was watching. The strange thing is he left the store and returned to his truck without shopping.

We followed him back to the parking lot; when he noticed us, he turned to ask why we followed him. We informed him of our concern for the child's well-being. As requested, he stated his name and his relationship to the child, her foster parent. We wrote down his license plate and truck description just in case. He left without returning to the store.

In yet another case, I observed a girl's boyfriend sling her child around by the arm and throw him on the sofa about 3 times. No one stepped in to stop him because of fear. I called and anonymously reported him to the child abuse center. Unbelievably the agency did not call me until 2 years later for details of the incident. I guess he eventually abused another child.

What disturbed me most is when an ex-friend failed to protect her children from her pedophilic registered predator husband. It started 15 years ago when she actually caught him molesting her niece while the 12-year-old child slept. She was aware of his "one time" past indiscretion with his daughter but could not believe her own eyes.

When she caught him with her 12-year-old niece, she told me how angry she was at her niece for coming on to him! This time she called the police to report him molesting the niece. He spent 6 months in jail.

Upon his release, he was to stay away from children as a registered predator. He preyed on girls and boys. The wife moved into her aunt's house temporarily but allowed him to come there and they all slept in the same bed!

This saga is not over yet! Of course, the daughter and niece grew up to become promiscuous, abuse drugs, become pregnant with unwanted children (unknown fathers) that they gave away. Many times promiscuity and drug abuse are good indicators of past sexual abuse as a child. Now my ex-friend is "raising" her daughter's abandoned children, 3 years old "crack cocaine baby" and 12-year-old girls.

It is my belief that her husband molested the 3-year-old child until she began to talk. The 12-year-old girl would go in the bedroom everyday after school, kept the door closed, lights off, and sat on the foot of the bed to watch TV with him while he lay in bed. Frequently, she fell asleep. I encouraged my ex-friend to end this routine and she complied.

The sick thing is now I believe my ex-friend began providing children for him or is extremely stupid, as she knew his history and predator registration. She allowed the 3 year old girl to sleep in bed with him under a blanket wearing only underwear while she sat at the dining room table with her back turned. She loved putting together jigsaw puzzles more than protecting the child.

I had to say something again. I was not very nice when I talked to her about my experience as a child and what I knew for a fact he was doing. She claimed she check on the child every now and then. I never observed her doing that. How could she check when they slept under the blanket?

I harassed her until she started placing the child on the sofa to sleep and took other safeguards until finally putting him out of the house. Who knows what damage he has done to the boy toddlers in the home who could not talk yet?

This is a strange home because she allows the children to walk around nude and does not teach the girl how to act like a girl. Our family has strong ethics against girls who sit with their legs wide open, allowing others to see their underwear.

I have been told to mind my own business and stop interfering with her raising of these grandchildren. If I ever see anything in a sexual nature toward the children, she has my promise to report her to the Department of Child Protection Agency. As a nurse, I am obligated to report this information to the appropriate authority.

I do not and cannot go to her home anymore. She is upset with me for threatening to call the child abuse center but that was the only way to get him out of her home.

There are many tips and lessons for parents when it comes to children and their propensity to become victims of pedophiles. This is only a partial list.

Girls and boys are molested!

It's bothersome when mothers allow boyfriends (even step dads or friends), some known only a few weeks, access to their children (especially without checking for a criminal history). Child predators are listed on the internet. Parents excuse is the need for a babysitter as if there was no other resource such as relatives.

We know from sad news reports that some men cannot tolerate a baby's crying and have killed babies for many reasons.

Don't forget the "nice" man down the street who watches the neighborhood children and invites them to his house. He may even have children but it doesn't matter. Oh, he has a playground and all kinds of electronic games and toys. He knows how to groom the kids well and many parents encourage their children or are aware the children go there. Therefore, they are aiding in the molestation of their children.

Parents expect their children to remember those lessons from recognizing danger, how strangers look, to run and scream, and don't believe adults in cars who are looking for pets or addresses. That's a lot of information for the child to remember. Whenever there is an opportunity to point out and demonstrate these lessons, please do so. Such as, "see that kid, it would be easy for someone to kidnap him because he is not close to his mother".

When you meet someone, you know in public point out to your child that this is an associate of yours but a stranger to him or her. As you walk with your child, point these things out as examples, children may learn better if they actually see it in action.

If you see, a parent whose child tags far behind, Ask your child to name the consequences of this action. Don't just give kids a list of dos and don'ts show them.

Do you ask your children if anyone has attempted to touch them in certain areas or made them feel uncomfortable? Don't be ashamed to have this type of conversation.

I know people who allow boys to bathe their girls. Remember pedophiles started as boys. Pay attention to your child's genital areas.

Children sleep very soundly; anyone can perform sexual acts without them knowing it. Many of us have picked up our children, took them to bed without awakening them. I was one of those children!

Lastly, stop acting naïve! You have seen this happening in the news; it can happen to your kid too.

Most of all, I need more child advocate, would you join me?