Reality Show Idea: Celebrity Community Service

Celebrity criminal convictions are good for television. They scandalize, titillate, engross, and amuse. They provide good folks like you and me with the opportunity to say "tsk, tsk" to people making untold millions of dollars while being photographed talking on the diamond encrusted cell phones they received in the gift basket that was handed to them at the last red carpet event they attended.

And the mug shots alone can give any worn out working stiff with a bad perm something to feel good about.

Now, I ask you, what says Reality TV more than "Celebrity Community Service?"

Premise: Six well known celebrity offenders will compete for the opportunity to have one offense, for which they have been convicted, permanently expunged from their record.

They must live together in "The Pen" (a luxury house in the Hollywood Hills decorated in a style best described as "penitentiary chic") for a period of thirty days. They will bunk three to a room. Their bed assignments will be identified by the framed renditions of their mug shots hung above, and said bed assignments will not be negotiable.

(I believe that Celebrity Reality TV contestants should always be made to live in a house together. No exceptions.)

There is one telephone, one television, and one bathroom.

Each and every movement of the contestants will be recorded by the film crew that monitors every room in the house, 24-7, by spy cams through out the abode, and by a personal camera, controlled remotely by producers, that each contestant must wear around his or her ankle.

The contestants will take meals together, participate in mandatory recreational activities together, and perform all their community service assignments together.

The liquor cabinet will be stocked (this is television).

There is no pool.

During this time, the contestants will venture out into the community daily, where they will perform civic duties assigned to them by "The Warden," who also acts as host of the show. Each evening they will assemble in front of the "Review Board," where they will have their performance evaluated. The review board is comprised of celebrities who have been accused of a crime, but managed to avoid conviction (or, have recently received a bizarre, unrequested, clemency from the state of Arkansas).

Evaluation criteria will include performance of the assigned task, behavior, attitude, interpersonal skills, and ability to refrain from engaging in criminal activity. At the end of the thirty days, the celebrity with the highest overall evaluation is awarded clemency for one conviction by the governor of California.

Contestants: Winona Ryder, Charlie Sheen, Martha Stewart, Robert Downey Jr., Gary Coleman, Courtney Love (In case of the illness, injury, or arrest of any of the contestants, Todd Bridges and Paul Reubens, a.k.a. Pee Wee Herman, have been named as alternate contestants.)

The Warden: Danny Bonaduce

The Review Board: Keith Richards, Barry Bonds, and former President Bill Clinton

(The Governor of California will be played by Arnold Schwarzenegger)

Community Service Assignments include, but are not limited to:
· Picking up litter on Rodeo Drive
· Candy stripping at one of the many local drug rehabilitation centers (also giving several the contestants, as well as the judges and the host, the opportunity to reconnect with old friends)
· Assisting the golf coaches at the YMCA in Watts
· Reading thirty-year-old old scripts to aging B-list celebrities at the Television and Motion Picture Hospital in Woodland Hills
· Organizing a "Turn in Your Bodyguards' Unlicensed Semi-Automatic Weapons" drive

It is possible for contestants to receive bonus points by 1) sucking up impressively and/or fiduciarily to the warden, any or all members of the review board, or the governor of California or 2) by "accidentally" exposing themselves.