Reality TV and the C-list Celebrity

Okay, okay, we all know that reality TV is like that pesky killer, Jason, from the "Friday the 13th" movies-- it just won't die.

Most of the members of the Screen Actors Guild hate reality TV because it costs them jobs (you don't need to pay a sitcom star a million bucks an episode when there's some poor schmuck willing to eat cow brains for scale). Is it any wonder then, that now there is the disturbing trend of celebrity reality TV shows? The celebrities actually need the work!

It started with "The Osbournes" back in 2002. Back then the shows were so fresh. Ozzy and Sharon throwing hams and cursing at the neighbors. Good, clean fun.

Soon after, Anna Nicole Smith got in on the action with her own reality offering, "The Anna Nicole Show". The problem was Anna really didn't have much to do except eat and hang out with her lawyer, a man who bears the unfortunate name of Howard Stern. Anna's show was tough to watch, but it did have a cult following. And soon the celebrity reality shows just began to multiply. These days, you can't flip trough the channels without happening upon some new celebrity getting bitten by the reality TV bug.

Celebrity reality shows are the new millennium's equivalent of the infomercials of the 1990's-- if you see a celeb on an infomercial or a reality show, it pretty much means he or she is washed up. Now there are exceptions, of course.

Take the "Newlyweds", Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson. Their reality show was a sweet sampling of the first years of marriage. And the show gave them more celebrity than their singing careers ever did! Jessica wound up doing a commercial for Pizza Hut, scored the coveted role of Daisy Duke in "The Dukes of Hazard Movie" and now has her own line of yummy beauty products. It is doubtful she would have achieved this kind of fame without a little boost from the reality TV machine. Go Jess!

The scariest reality show is VH1's 'the Surreal Life". This show takes C --or even D-- list celebrity's and shacks them up in a house together for 2 weeks. Some of the former cast members of this show have been Motley Crue frontman Vince Neil, porn guru Ron Jeremy, the Brady Bunch's Christopher Knight (aka Peter Brady), singer Charo, former Go-Go Jane Weidlin, Da Brat (Da who?) and Chip's star Erik Estrada. Frankly, "The Surreal Life" is depressing to watch-- I hated the episode where Da Brat insults the talented Jane Weidlin by telling her that she's a has-been. I wish this show would just go away.

More examples of celebrity reality TV-- the absolutely awful "Celebrity Fit Club" which seems to be just a showcase to make fun of overweight television personalities. It features barely-known celebs such as Daniel Baldwin, Mia Tyler and the Snapple lady! Pitting a bunch of heavy set semi-celebs on a giant scale to measure their weight loss (or lack thereof) is just plain tasteless. But, hey--they signed up for it!

Carmen Electra and Dave Navarro allowed MTV crews to film their wedding for their own reality show, "Til Death Do Us Part". And I hear Motley Crue drummer Tommy Lee went to college for his new reality show-- and he even joined the school marching band!

Paris Hilton and her pal, Nicole Richie, teamed up for the silly "The Simple Life", which seems to be part reality, part ad-libbed acting. Bad acting, I'll add.

"Chasing Farrah", TV Land's attempt at reality programming, gives us a glimpse at the life of former "Charlie's Angels" beauty, Farrah Fawcett. My favorite moments are the scenes with her on an again off again love, Ryan O'Neal. When Ryan isn't around, we have to hear commentary from Farrah's assistant or hairdresser. Not exactly riveting programming, although I will admit the episode where Farrah visits her parents at their Texas home is touching.

And Britney Spears, one of the hottest pop stars around just a few years ago, is now inviting us to witness the courtship of her and her hubby, Kevin Federline, on their upcoming reality show. Who would have thought to film that stuff? It almost sounds staged!

So as we wait for celebrity reality TV to fizzle out (and it will, with great "regular" shows like Desperate Housewives and Lost on the horizon) -- just remember this classic line from rocker Neal Young: "It's better to burn out than to fade away".

These celebs are burning out, alright-- right in front of our eyes.