Reasons to Appreciate Nature: An Exercise in Serial Sarcasm

I am a nature lover, while hurricanes batter my flimsy hut.

Gotta love the wild outdoors, I barely avoided being on the main course of feral rage.

Flora delights me, as poison ivy eats my skin.

Modern conveniences are overrated, who needs clean water. The pond does my body well.

Whims of weather are a pleasure, blizzard kisses my eyes. Add on an untreated tooth cavity, and it is impossible to assert the civility of urban life.

Ability of intellect and moral clarity develop clearer when forced to hunt, kill, disembowel, and burn tender animal flesh so that you feel better inside.

Health skyrockets. Without those pesky teeth, high-density enamel loss is an easy way to shed maybe a pound. Take that, Atkins and Tae-Bo.

Envy those in the world who don't have the burden of commutes. Plenty can be reached and achieved in a pre-wheel-and-axle culture.

Agriculture is so taxing on the land. Living in harmony with the soil is a valuable commodity, and returning to it on a permanent basis is never a distant prospect.

So appreciate the natural world, and make sure to take the environment into account. It is a valuable resource -- charities and poor-houses serving the 3rd world would go into a tailspin and crash without it. And upon crashing, as crashes do, nature is hurt. Reason enough for their upkeep.