Reasons Britney Spears Should Wear Underwear

For those of you that haven't heard, there has been heavy press coverage over recent paparazzi pictures of Britney Spears exiting a vehicle in a skirt and flashing her world to the rest of the world. The girl that the music world collectively adored in 1998 when she first popped on the scene is now shunning her over these pictures. It's clear that Britney needs some serious help. Britney, if you read this just know that I do it because I have sympathy for you, like some little lost puppy that needs some direction. Here are the reasons that Britney Spears should cover up and put on a pair of panties:

Reason 1-Baby, it's cold outside.

As the temperatures plummet down into the 20's, it's important to keep all areas covered, including the one between your legs. If you insist on spreading your legs in public then please save it for a warmer season.

Reason 2-Spare your children the lecture.

First of all, if Britney's two little children happened to get an up skirt peek then I'm not exactly sure they'd know what they were looking at. It's perfectly natural for children to ask questions, and I'm pretty sure this is something that would come up. Spears would then be left with the embarrassing task of explaining that this area was where women make bad mistakes by marrying and having children that are fathered by a horrible wannabe rap star they refer to as "K-Fed."

Reason 3-Don't fall into the celebrity trap.

Let me note that Britney's recent bad behavior could be attributed to her new gal pals, Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton. Lohan and Hilton are longtime and active C.A.P. members (Celebrities Against Panties), and it's clear they're recruiting Spears to join the group. Hilton and Lohan have already damaged their reputations with the release of a sex tape and nonstop catfights, and although Spears isn't the classiest of girls she still has a chance at not falling into the trap and beating the C.A.P. army.

Reason 4-Spare your children the future embarrassment.

Just like a tattoo, people must consider that their current actions may have consequences in the future. The world of celebrities is no different. For instance, although many girls in this modern world opt to not wear underwear, they are not in the spotlight quite like Britney Spears. Imagine these pictures fifteen years from now when her children are in school and the classmates are passing around pictures of Britney and her freshly healed birth scars. This can be very damaging to their childhood and upbringing. Just put the panties back on. It's as simple as that.

Reason 5-Did I mention you have children?

I don't think I can emphasize this point enough. The majority of parents change once they have children. They become better people and more responsible because they have someone other than themselves to care for. Your children are relying on you. By partying every night of the week and making these fashion decisions you're only asking for Child Services to come take your children away. Your children have three choices: live with K-Fed, live with you, or have Child Services care for the children. At this point I'm thinking Child Services sounds pretty darn good.

Reason 6- You're not going to get your old boyfriend back.

I've lost sleep the last few nights wondering why our former favorite Mickey Mouse Club member would do such a thing like skip out on wearing underwear. At first I was in denial, thinking that maybe she simply forgot the underwear and was in a rush, or that she didn't have any clean pairs because she didn't have time to do the laundry with all the babysitting she did. However, after a while I just realize that I was giving Britney Spears too much credit. After her disastrous short marriage to K-Fed, I think that Britney went through a period where she missed former boyfriend, Justin Timberlake. Although Timberlake is dating actress Cameron Diaz, this recent behavior by Spears is clearly an attempt to reach out to Timberlake through the media. In an indirect manner she is trying to seduce him. I hate to tell you Britney that Timberlake has moved on and he is seeing someone that has much more class than you.

Reason 7-Because you can afford underwear.

This reason is the one that really makes my head spin. Britney Spears is a multi-platinum artist that can afford enough underwear to cover an entire country, so why is she choosing not to wear them? At first I thought that she was maybe saving money to buy Christmas gifts, but then I realized underwear is the one thing you don't skip out on. Britney, roll some money from your savings account to your checking and visit the nearest Victoria's Secret. This is an emergency.

Reason 8-Leave something to be discovered.

With the holidays around the corner, I had to make some sort of Christmas reference. Now that Spears is entering the dating world, I find this reason alone is of great importance. If most men are like me, I appreciate some things left to be discovered. Your private areas are something that men should not be able to see on the first date. What ever happened to the surprise factor? For instance, on Christmas morning wouldn't you rather have your gifts wrapped up rather than just sitting on the floor ready for you to see? Trust me, if you're entering the dating world it's much more interesting to have your gift wrapped than on the floor for everyone to see.