Reasons Children Lie

What adults think of as a lie is not the same for a child. It is actually a normal part of childhood development. The meaning behind a lie from a child depends on the age. Preschoolers have a healthy imagination and frequently delve into fantasies. As far as most of them are concerned, the three little bears do live in a house in the woods somewhere.

Very young children around two to four years old may not be able to separate reality from their imagination. Other times, if it has been more than a couple of hours, young children honestly may not remember doing something. Therefore, they really are not lying. Children under the age of seven or so indulge in fantasy or wishful thinking. Hearing your child telling a friend some huge story about going on a pirate ship or walking through a jungle can make you pause for thought. Then the friend will start on his tale. This stage will pass when everyone is less gullible and other types of thought are replacing their imaginative thinking. If you feel the need to interrupt, do not call him a liar or use other negative phrases. Instead, acknowledge the wish to do something, but then ask them to talk about what the real day or trip was like.

After about age seven, most children have developed an understanding between reality and fantasy. They have reached an age of reason and have developed a beginning morality. At eight or nine, children should feel bad when they have told a lie. The art of the polite social or 'white' lie has been incorporated into themselves. Considering how many times adults use white lies, it is important to spend some time explaining the reasons with your children. Talking with them about your reasons and values will give them something they can use to grow their own reasoning ability. Modeling truth and honesty is the best way to reinforce these behaviors.

There are many ways of dealing with lying. They all start with looking beyond the lie to find the reason why it was told. Children need to know their parents love them unconditionally. Wanting to please a parent is a large part of children's thinking. Knowing that something they did was wrong or will disappoint can cause them to tell a lie. Maybe your child feels pressured to succeed at something like sports, even though they really do not want to do it. If these are similar to what you feel is going on, let them know that the lie is more displeasing than telling the truth.

Lying to avoid chores or going to school is a common occurrence among older children and teens. Kids need to know that lying in not acceptable. If you bring them into the punishment decision, they can learn to realize that lying does not get them ahead. If the punishment is too harsh, a child will not want to confess and a vicious circle can start. Make it easy for the truth to come out by being calm and reasonable. Use stories and fables for examples of truth, lies and the consequences. Do not ask questions that are set up for lies if you do not want to hear it. If his room is messy, do not ask him if he cleaned it. It would be better to comment that since his room is not cleaned up, what he wants to do about it.