Reasons to Party in February ... The Second in a Series of Monthly Holiday Party Themes

Do you wish you could overlook the schmaltzy Valentine's stuff and find some other reason to throw a party in February? Or, has your mother-in-law blacklisted you, and you want to make amends by throwing a party in her honor?

Look no farther. It's your lucky day! For the paltry fee of $299.99-plus your house, car, and first-born-you can read my list of lesser-known February holidays and use them as a springboard to party.

FEBRUARY PARTY EVENTS (MONTHLY)
Marijuana Awareness Month (Ooo, far out man! It lasts all month): The second month of the year conjures visions of love, hearts, and flowers ... and marijuana. Honest, I'm not making this up. Someone, somewhere-probably a hippie from the sixties-designated February as the month to be aware of marijuana.

Go figure! However, everyone needs a reason to party, right? And what better reason than the fact that we should all be aware of marijuana? I can tell you that I had a few friends in college that were aware of marijuana long before there was a holiday dedicated to it. And the irony of life-some of them are now politicians.

Celebrate this holiday observance regally. Bring out the chips and salsa, and invite all your college friends from the sixties and seventies to the party-the two or three that are still left after smoking so much of that Mary Jane. Just remember that no party would be complete without a batch of brownies. No, not the kind with that funny little weed-the mint-chocolate-chip kind.

Spunky Old Broads Month (all month): Finally, a weird holiday worth celebrating. At my age, I know lots of spunky old women. Hey, for that matter, I'm one of them. And I find that I keep wondering when I went from sweet young thang to spunky ol' lady. At any rate, we spunky ol' ladies have one thing going for us-we know how to party and can bake a mean batch of brownies. The mint-chocolate-chip kind. (You might find this holiday particularly appropriate for that mother-in-law problem I mentioned earlier.)

Return Shopping Carts to the Supermarket Month (all month): This holiday was instituted for sinners who accidentally, and without malice aforethought, stole shopping carts. It provides the penitent shoplifter with the opportunity to return-without reprisal-the metal contraption that they dragged home for half a mile, with one wheel going bump, bump, bump.

FEBRUARY PARTY EVENTS (WEEK LONG)
International Hoof Care Week (February 2-5): The last time I counted, Feb. 2-5, was not a full week. It's more like four days, which gives us a glimpse into the party mentality of the person who came up with a holiday to celebrate digging "stuff" out of an animal's hoof.

Jell-O Week (February 7-13):For those who always wanted to wrestle another person in a vat of Jell-O, now's your chance!

Texas Cowboy Poetry Week (February 26- February 28): Apparently, nobody but Texas cowboys can write poetry during this week. It seems unfair to rest of the cowpokes in the country. It's my suggestion that the non-Texan cowboys band together and form their own poetry guild. For their membership fee, they could charge a dogie or two. (For the benefit of the non-cowboys reading this, a dogie is a cow-which eventually becomes steaks and hamburgers. It should not be confused with a doggy, which is a dog-who steals the steaks and hamburgers off your plate.) The non-Texan galoots could also hold their annual poetry conventions in a two-seater outhouse, thereby outdoing the Texans by one whole seat.

FEBRUARY PARTY EVENTS (SINGLE DAY OBSERVANCES)
Hula in the Coola Day (February 1): I have no clue what it means to hula in the coola, but I'm thinking that someone who's been smoking a little too much Maui Wowie came up with it.

Wear Red Day (February 5): In fairness to Yale graduates around the world, I must protest and insist that the day after this holiday should be called "Wear Yale Blue Day." Moreover, the day after that should be, "Wear Brown and Gold Day" ... for University of Wyoming fans around the world.

All one of them. (That would be me.)

Be Electrific Day (February 11): Do you suppose I read this holiday incorrectly? I'm thinking it actually said "Be Electrocuted Day," in honor of those who have unthinkingly stuck a fork in the toaster to pull out a crumpled English muffin ... and lived to tell about it.

(That would be me.)

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Sources:
BrownieLocks.com: http://www.brownielocks.com/february.html